It has been eight weeks since Squeaky went into his Palvik Harness.
It has been a steep learning curve and also lessons in empathy with my mother.
We learnt early on that pee socks are important with little boys when trying avoid getting pee on a harness you are not meant to take off. We have got very good at wiping him down instead of bathing him. Although this comes more problematic when there is a nappy explosion. More so if you are getting ready to out to a party and you are in your favourite party clothes. Note if you pick up a baby have the legs their babygrow squish under your hand. Call in reinforcements and all wipes you can manage. That particular night was a two person job and taking velcro off and sponging off poo was not as fun as it sounds!
We found dresses work really well especially with the tricky nature of nappy changes, to be fair nappies have been the bigest challenge.
Squeaky himself is pretty happy, he kicks his legs like a footballer and is happy. Holding him feels odd and you have to careful of where his legs are and we are no longer comfortable sitting in the rocking chair which is annoying.
Our first check up had been delayed a week and we arrived to a doubly busy clinic. Squeaky was scanned and it was felt that his right hip was improving but the subluxated left hip had not. This was gutting news. We took the harness of there and Squeaky was smelly, he had not had a bath for three weeks. We booked in the next consultation, feeling very sad and lots hugs given. Mr Gin and I headed home, with a smelly Squeaky, on a London bus in our own bubble of silence as we absorbed the news. On the way home one the surgeons we had spoken with rang, she had compared Squeaky's initial ultrasound with the one taken that day and said there was a small improvement. She asked that we come back in two days and get Squeaky fitted into a Harness again. We agreed.
We took him home and gave him a much needed bath. He was not all that happy as he stretched his legs out but the bath soothed his legs. Out of the harness he felt tiny and delicate to hold.
We returned to the hospital, early in the morning, to be refitted. Squeaky was a delight, smiling and giggling and proving that he is resilient by not changing his behaviour over the next two weeks as we settled back into harness routine. We went back to the hospital in two weeks and had another check, again they felt there was minimal change but compared the ultrasounds there in the clinic. They left in the harness and off we went, knowing that there was improvement but it was very slow and we were looking at a possible three to five months in the harness.
We had got good at removing the harness by watching the professionals and marking the harness. This meant Squeaky got a bath once a week and when we had a poo explosion a quick wash. A little more civilised.
We went back for the seven week check last week. Again another ultrasound with minimal change. Two surgeons went off and compared the four ultrasounds. The right hip is looking like a normal hip but the left is showing minimal change. It is still subluxated. They recommended that Squeaky come out of the harness and he is booked in for a closed reduction.
The closed reduction will occur in July. They will inject a dye into the joint and manually manipulate the joint into the right position. They check if there is ligament pulling at the joint, if it is, they will cut it. Then they will put him in a spica plaster cast, that goes from his waist to the ankle on the affected side, knee on the other. This is done under general anaesthetic.
We are currently harness free and having to do another wardrobe exchange as a lot of the clothing that went over the harness swamps him now. He is happy, chirpy self although the first night home in pain due to his legs stretching out.
It has taken me a week to write this because the escalation of Squeaky's treatment is upsetting. I am disappointed the harness didn't work, guilty that my genetics have bred so try and frightened about putting me precious little boy through this. He will be six moths old and having a general anaesthetic, scary. I really hope this works because I don't want him to end up like me and able to remember treatment because it went on so long.
Right now I am trying to focus on enjoying my delightful little boy and introducing him to his Australian grandparents. After they go, we focus on providing the best care and outcome for Squeaky, his hip and long term health.
3.4.18
A new hippy family
Late Janurary Mr Gin and I had a bright, gorgous boy. He was born via a fairly uneventful c-section besides the theatre staff stopping to check out my hip replacement tattoo. It was a spinal procedure and Mr Gin was there by my side and got to cuddle his boy pretty much straight away.
We were home within 24 hours of this process and plunged into the chaotic world of new parents with an almost helpless tiny human with an incredibly loud and wide vocal range.
We have had our highs; solving why he is crying through the process of elimination, finding he is photogenic all the time, cuddles, gurgles and smiles, watching him grow and take notice of the world. Finding all sorts of things adorable including when he has the hiccoups and then squeaks. For this reason, for the purpose of this blog, his name is Squeaky.
We have had some lows too, we have had a struggle with breast feeding which has been very much helped by the resolution of a tongue tie but it took a while to gain back the weight Squeaky lost during those first few weeks where he was not getting enough food. We found this process very tough, me because I was the food source and Mr Gin because he sat through a lot, and I mean a lot, of crying, from me and Squeaky. Mr Gin's incredible support and amazing parenting as well as the wonderful support of the infant feeding team at Homerton we are on track with Squeaky's weight and he is feeding very well. But that was tough and I suspect just a taster for the tough times ahead raising a kid.
This blog has always had a hip focus and I really though that would disappear with the birth of Squeaky when in hospital his hips were checked and declared stable. We were booked in for a six week ultra sound scan of his hips, an additional check that is done for children with possible contributing factors such as a genetic predisposition and his late breech presentation.
So, I fronted up to the six week scan, not overly concerned and with a relaxed, well fed baby, so he could be stripped down and covered in clear gloop. I chatted with the staff and as there was a genetic history listed, they asked about my history. Cue mildly horrified faces. They looked at Squeaky's hips and found them to be shallow, not a surprising outcome and I had done research and spoken with Mr Hutt so was prepared with names and hospitals.
Homerton were not taking any chances, they knew my history so instead of waiting till eight weeks they referred Squeaky to the One Stop Baby Hip Clinic at the Royal London Hospital. Both the radiographer and the Paediatrician agreed that this was the best course of action even though most likely over cautious. Mr Gin and I were very happy with this and waited for the referral to come through. The Royal was a suggestion from Mr Hutt.
The referral was quick and we went to the long name clinic before Squeaky hit 8 weeks old. The paediatric imagining centre at the Royal London is new and swish, bright colours and laser cut plastic bones in geometric patterns. We arrived with a number of other parents with little babies waiting for the clinic.
Doctors began appearing, and Squeaky's name was called and off we went. Squeaky's hips were scanned by a doctor and observed by the head orthopaedic surgeon. I was fairly cool about the whole process until the doctor doing the scan said "That one is not in". I asked her to repeat the statement. His left hip was shallow and almost out to the socket, not sitting well. His right socket was shallow also but in the correct position.
We then dressed Squeaky whilst it was explained that Squeaky was going to being fitted with a Palvik Harness that day and that the harness had a 95% to 98% success rate in cases like Squeaky. We were to come back in 2 weeks to see if the the harness was working and the minimum time in the harness was 6 weeks and maximum was 3 months. The options after that point are a little more dramatic.
We waited for two hours for the fitting, when we got there Squeaky was fitted with something that looks like a costume from the Fifth Element. It holds his legs in the correct position to increase the depth of his sockets and coax the left one into the correct position. He charmed the staff who fitted his harness as he did not cry and was smiley and giggly. We took our little crunched boy home, feeling a little shell shocked.
We had wine that night. Being aware that we could have a tough night as he got used to the harness, we sat and cuddled our little lad. I spoke to my mother about the outcome and she was very supportive as she had been in the same position 43 years ago. In the end my father had the correct reaction to it all, that it was disappointing, we were all hoping that Squeaky would not have my bad hips. I was upset and Mr Gin was his standard sensible self, saying it is what it is and we will cope and it is not as bad as it could be.
The next day I went shopping for clothes to go over his harness because his current wardrobe won't fit over his harness. We felt that dresses would be an easy option and he went shopping with me in a dress I wore as a child! I bought baggy trousers, dresses and baby grows with openings at the bottom and not from the neck to ankles.
Squeaky himself has not shown any issues with the harness being very smiley and happy most of the time, no real change in behaviour including the first night when he slept really well, totally bucking the warnings the staff gave when we left the hospitial.
We are still coming to terms with this outcome and hoping that our visit next week shows that the harness is working and Squeaky only has slightly dodgy hips and not his mum's really dodgy hips.
We were home within 24 hours of this process and plunged into the chaotic world of new parents with an almost helpless tiny human with an incredibly loud and wide vocal range.
We have had our highs; solving why he is crying through the process of elimination, finding he is photogenic all the time, cuddles, gurgles and smiles, watching him grow and take notice of the world. Finding all sorts of things adorable including when he has the hiccoups and then squeaks. For this reason, for the purpose of this blog, his name is Squeaky.
We have had some lows too, we have had a struggle with breast feeding which has been very much helped by the resolution of a tongue tie but it took a while to gain back the weight Squeaky lost during those first few weeks where he was not getting enough food. We found this process very tough, me because I was the food source and Mr Gin because he sat through a lot, and I mean a lot, of crying, from me and Squeaky. Mr Gin's incredible support and amazing parenting as well as the wonderful support of the infant feeding team at Homerton we are on track with Squeaky's weight and he is feeding very well. But that was tough and I suspect just a taster for the tough times ahead raising a kid.
This blog has always had a hip focus and I really though that would disappear with the birth of Squeaky when in hospital his hips were checked and declared stable. We were booked in for a six week ultra sound scan of his hips, an additional check that is done for children with possible contributing factors such as a genetic predisposition and his late breech presentation.
So, I fronted up to the six week scan, not overly concerned and with a relaxed, well fed baby, so he could be stripped down and covered in clear gloop. I chatted with the staff and as there was a genetic history listed, they asked about my history. Cue mildly horrified faces. They looked at Squeaky's hips and found them to be shallow, not a surprising outcome and I had done research and spoken with Mr Hutt so was prepared with names and hospitals.
Homerton were not taking any chances, they knew my history so instead of waiting till eight weeks they referred Squeaky to the One Stop Baby Hip Clinic at the Royal London Hospital. Both the radiographer and the Paediatrician agreed that this was the best course of action even though most likely over cautious. Mr Gin and I were very happy with this and waited for the referral to come through. The Royal was a suggestion from Mr Hutt.
The referral was quick and we went to the long name clinic before Squeaky hit 8 weeks old. The paediatric imagining centre at the Royal London is new and swish, bright colours and laser cut plastic bones in geometric patterns. We arrived with a number of other parents with little babies waiting for the clinic.
Doctors began appearing, and Squeaky's name was called and off we went. Squeaky's hips were scanned by a doctor and observed by the head orthopaedic surgeon. I was fairly cool about the whole process until the doctor doing the scan said "That one is not in". I asked her to repeat the statement. His left hip was shallow and almost out to the socket, not sitting well. His right socket was shallow also but in the correct position.
We then dressed Squeaky whilst it was explained that Squeaky was going to being fitted with a Palvik Harness that day and that the harness had a 95% to 98% success rate in cases like Squeaky. We were to come back in 2 weeks to see if the the harness was working and the minimum time in the harness was 6 weeks and maximum was 3 months. The options after that point are a little more dramatic.
We waited for two hours for the fitting, when we got there Squeaky was fitted with something that looks like a costume from the Fifth Element. It holds his legs in the correct position to increase the depth of his sockets and coax the left one into the correct position. He charmed the staff who fitted his harness as he did not cry and was smiley and giggly. We took our little crunched boy home, feeling a little shell shocked.
We had wine that night. Being aware that we could have a tough night as he got used to the harness, we sat and cuddled our little lad. I spoke to my mother about the outcome and she was very supportive as she had been in the same position 43 years ago. In the end my father had the correct reaction to it all, that it was disappointing, we were all hoping that Squeaky would not have my bad hips. I was upset and Mr Gin was his standard sensible self, saying it is what it is and we will cope and it is not as bad as it could be.
The next day I went shopping for clothes to go over his harness because his current wardrobe won't fit over his harness. We felt that dresses would be an easy option and he went shopping with me in a dress I wore as a child! I bought baggy trousers, dresses and baby grows with openings at the bottom and not from the neck to ankles.
Squeaky himself has not shown any issues with the harness being very smiley and happy most of the time, no real change in behaviour including the first night when he slept really well, totally bucking the warnings the staff gave when we left the hospitial.
We are still coming to terms with this outcome and hoping that our visit next week shows that the harness is working and Squeaky only has slightly dodgy hips and not his mum's really dodgy hips.
23.1.18
Two years and now the waiting is coming to a close.
Well, here we are in January. The hip replacement is officially two years old. Yes, two years! Looking back it is almost like a completely different life.
The difference is day and night, almost pain free and wonderful movement. Yes, I am still having issues with the thigh pain, recently I did have two weeks of thigh pain, some of it take my breath away pain, something I have not dealt with for what seems like a long time! There was a couple of moments of having to sit down! I think a lot of that is the strange distribution of my weight with 9 months of baby growth! I have pretty much given up trying not to waddle because normal walking can cause the thigh pain kick off.
The change in the last twelve months is the most amazing, loosing weight, gaining fitness and then excitement of pregnancy. I certainly don't regret getting the replacement, I really didn't think a pound of titanium would change my life so much.
The Pregnancy is going well, I am on maternity leave and currently biding my time waiting for the baby decide to leave or be evicted.
There has been an information exchange between Mr Hutt and the consultant team at Homerton Hospital. Mr Hutt has informed them that hip replacement is fine for a natural birth, I think something that surprised the team, which is helpful because I needed them to understand it is safe but need just a touch more care.
I have decided the option of an epidural is off the table because I want to make sure that I am not put into a position that may upset the replacement. There is a no real risk of dislocation but being able to feel the replacement will give me that reassurance that it is going stay put. Also that my uber bendy joints are behaving themselves, feeling them is important and making sure they are holding out okay and not being pushed too far.
The pregnancy its self has been fairly uneventful, it took till about 7 months before I looked pregnant which was interesting. I am not the typical basket ball shape and carrying quite wide. This is was worrying me for a bit but my mother carried the same way. Stealth bump! There was a bleep at about 34 weeks when we realised the baby was in breech position. Breech is not good when you are aware of Congenital Hip Dislocation and that it ups the chances. I did some googling and found the most astounding array of slightly scientific and a lot of witchcraft methods . So I did handstands in the pool and walked a long way and the baby had turned around the 36 week mark. So now we only have genetic predisposition, first pregnancy and possible girl as reasons for CDH!
I have not really enjoyed the whole pregnancy process. The hormones are hard work causing tears over stupid things ie cots, cat vomit or bus not turning up. I have have had rubbish acid reflux due to hormones and my hyperactivity and the acid in my stomach has refused to stay put, mostly when lying down. I certainly am not a glowing earth mother and am a bit over the feeling of being taken over. There s a lot pressure in my body and the wiggling presses in sort places and is disconcerting when you can watch it change the shape of your belly.
The midwives have been lovely and when I burst into tears on one this week she was very supportive. As I am over forty and the there is a distinct rise in the risks of still birth, the hospital do not like you going over 40 weeks. I did research the stats and the jumps are small but they are conclusive there is a risk. So we have had to plan the birth around this, there is no known reasons why the placenta can suddenly fail for women over 40 beyond 40 weeks. So we have a finite date but really would like to the baby leave on their own, so we are back into wives tales and witchcraft. So there is Raspberry Leaf Tea, bouncing on the gym ball (space hopper) and walking. So far it has not worked.
All though there has been a lot of change in the past two years there has been on constant, and that is the unfailing support of Mr Gin. He has been amazing and full of excitement. I foresee a crazy co-parenting experience for the next 18 or so years.
So, Hippy birthday to my replacement and incoming birthday for January!
The difference is day and night, almost pain free and wonderful movement. Yes, I am still having issues with the thigh pain, recently I did have two weeks of thigh pain, some of it take my breath away pain, something I have not dealt with for what seems like a long time! There was a couple of moments of having to sit down! I think a lot of that is the strange distribution of my weight with 9 months of baby growth! I have pretty much given up trying not to waddle because normal walking can cause the thigh pain kick off.
The change in the last twelve months is the most amazing, loosing weight, gaining fitness and then excitement of pregnancy. I certainly don't regret getting the replacement, I really didn't think a pound of titanium would change my life so much.
The Pregnancy is going well, I am on maternity leave and currently biding my time waiting for the baby decide to leave or be evicted.
There has been an information exchange between Mr Hutt and the consultant team at Homerton Hospital. Mr Hutt has informed them that hip replacement is fine for a natural birth, I think something that surprised the team, which is helpful because I needed them to understand it is safe but need just a touch more care.
I have decided the option of an epidural is off the table because I want to make sure that I am not put into a position that may upset the replacement. There is a no real risk of dislocation but being able to feel the replacement will give me that reassurance that it is going stay put. Also that my uber bendy joints are behaving themselves, feeling them is important and making sure they are holding out okay and not being pushed too far.
The pregnancy its self has been fairly uneventful, it took till about 7 months before I looked pregnant which was interesting. I am not the typical basket ball shape and carrying quite wide. This is was worrying me for a bit but my mother carried the same way. Stealth bump! There was a bleep at about 34 weeks when we realised the baby was in breech position. Breech is not good when you are aware of Congenital Hip Dislocation and that it ups the chances. I did some googling and found the most astounding array of slightly scientific and a lot of witchcraft methods . So I did handstands in the pool and walked a long way and the baby had turned around the 36 week mark. So now we only have genetic predisposition, first pregnancy and possible girl as reasons for CDH!
I have not really enjoyed the whole pregnancy process. The hormones are hard work causing tears over stupid things ie cots, cat vomit or bus not turning up. I have have had rubbish acid reflux due to hormones and my hyperactivity and the acid in my stomach has refused to stay put, mostly when lying down. I certainly am not a glowing earth mother and am a bit over the feeling of being taken over. There s a lot pressure in my body and the wiggling presses in sort places and is disconcerting when you can watch it change the shape of your belly.
The midwives have been lovely and when I burst into tears on one this week she was very supportive. As I am over forty and the there is a distinct rise in the risks of still birth, the hospital do not like you going over 40 weeks. I did research the stats and the jumps are small but they are conclusive there is a risk. So we have had to plan the birth around this, there is no known reasons why the placenta can suddenly fail for women over 40 beyond 40 weeks. So we have a finite date but really would like to the baby leave on their own, so we are back into wives tales and witchcraft. So there is Raspberry Leaf Tea, bouncing on the gym ball (space hopper) and walking. So far it has not worked.
All though there has been a lot of change in the past two years there has been on constant, and that is the unfailing support of Mr Gin. He has been amazing and full of excitement. I foresee a crazy co-parenting experience for the next 18 or so years.
So, Hippy birthday to my replacement and incoming birthday for January!
3.9.17
Everything on hold and a focus shift.
So, in my blog last time I wrote this "I am happy to support friends who embrace body positivity in all its forms, as long as they support me too." There have been a number of instances, recently, where this has not happened and people have been actively quite depressing and negative about people trying to lose weight, for the sake of losing weight. I have taken these things a bit personally.
I have worked fucking hard over the past six months to loose weight, there have been also some muscle building goals as well and side effect of becoming fit. But the Big goal was to lose 10kg by July, by June I had lost 13 kg. I did this through hard work and discipline, getting up early to go to the gym and counting a calories like only a woman with an addictive personality can. It was hard going to the gym and pool and working hard, it is not an activity I enjoy. I did have Mr Gin and there personal training team to support me but that was all there was really besides a work colleague who was really lovely as she slimmed down to for her wedding. But the numbers were important, I wanted to jump up and down with every .5 kilo lost. Mr. Gin got lots of photos like below because I felt putting them on social media was not that caring for a variety of reasons. I was gutted by a couple of instances that just made me feel fairly shit about my numbers and the reasons I was doing this. I really didn't get this when I was doing my best to support their choices by not carrying on. So I am now going to talk about numbers, I needed that support and will need it again.
I got down to 70 kg from 83 kg in December 2016. At 153 cm that is a huge chunk of change. Both myself and Mr Gin worked hard, he really has been the sole support through it all. We had a goal, to drop weight to reduce the stress on the implant and avoid surgery. I got to the goal and I was pleased with the strength in the legs, there was a lessening in the pain but not as much as I would have liked.
I saw Mr Hutt in July, I had maintained my weight for a month and half so was stoked. He was very pleased with my movement and the amount of muscle I had gained. My walking has improved and I just stand when getting out of a chair, no need for hands (although I am glad he does not have a low couch like we have at home.) This is really good for the long term outcomes of the replacement.
We agreed that although the pain had decreased living with it was frustrating but possibly livable with. Leaving it over winter to see if the pain is worse seems to be the best course of action along with more muscle building and weight loss. Dropping to a BMI healthy weight range, again means less pressure on the joint and also if the NHS get carried away with BMIs for hip replacement, it does mean I am in a good shape for the left when it goes. But we have not taken surgery off the table for the implant, to push the stress along the whole thigh bone and hopefully making it less painful. And anyway he can not operate at the moment!
A surgeon not operating? Why? Well, it is not his fault. Sort of, losing all the weight and getting fit seems had a interesting side effect. I am pregnant! Something Mr Gin and I thought wasn't going to happen! It does mean we can't do anything with the replacement for a while. As far Mr Hutt is concerned there is little impact on the replacement and I know it will make it less painful. As I have the replacement I have to have a chat with a consultant about what they think the good outcomes are.
I am having issues because I am hypermobile and I have Pelvic Girdle Pain and am working hard on strengthening the muscles to try and halt that getting worse. As I am older (43) there are risks that go with my age and I am aware the toil it is taking on my body in general. I am tired all the time but hopefully that will change. I am working hard at maintaining my current weight until putting weight is required, which is totally fine given my current weight is classified as obese still.
So, this blog is taking a bit of a turn for a hip replacement and pregnancy combo.
A couple of answers to questions. We are due late January and we know the baby is human and very likely to be ginger other than that we can't change anything and won't know time they are born, we are both every excited. Oh, and no real bump yet, and of course ask first!
I have worked fucking hard over the past six months to loose weight, there have been also some muscle building goals as well and side effect of becoming fit. But the Big goal was to lose 10kg by July, by June I had lost 13 kg. I did this through hard work and discipline, getting up early to go to the gym and counting a calories like only a woman with an addictive personality can. It was hard going to the gym and pool and working hard, it is not an activity I enjoy. I did have Mr Gin and there personal training team to support me but that was all there was really besides a work colleague who was really lovely as she slimmed down to for her wedding. But the numbers were important, I wanted to jump up and down with every .5 kilo lost. Mr. Gin got lots of photos like below because I felt putting them on social media was not that caring for a variety of reasons. I was gutted by a couple of instances that just made me feel fairly shit about my numbers and the reasons I was doing this. I really didn't get this when I was doing my best to support their choices by not carrying on. So I am now going to talk about numbers, I needed that support and will need it again.
I got down to 70 kg from 83 kg in December 2016. At 153 cm that is a huge chunk of change. Both myself and Mr Gin worked hard, he really has been the sole support through it all. We had a goal, to drop weight to reduce the stress on the implant and avoid surgery. I got to the goal and I was pleased with the strength in the legs, there was a lessening in the pain but not as much as I would have liked.
I saw Mr Hutt in July, I had maintained my weight for a month and half so was stoked. He was very pleased with my movement and the amount of muscle I had gained. My walking has improved and I just stand when getting out of a chair, no need for hands (although I am glad he does not have a low couch like we have at home.) This is really good for the long term outcomes of the replacement.
We agreed that although the pain had decreased living with it was frustrating but possibly livable with. Leaving it over winter to see if the pain is worse seems to be the best course of action along with more muscle building and weight loss. Dropping to a BMI healthy weight range, again means less pressure on the joint and also if the NHS get carried away with BMIs for hip replacement, it does mean I am in a good shape for the left when it goes. But we have not taken surgery off the table for the implant, to push the stress along the whole thigh bone and hopefully making it less painful. And anyway he can not operate at the moment!
A surgeon not operating? Why? Well, it is not his fault. Sort of, losing all the weight and getting fit seems had a interesting side effect. I am pregnant! Something Mr Gin and I thought wasn't going to happen! It does mean we can't do anything with the replacement for a while. As far Mr Hutt is concerned there is little impact on the replacement and I know it will make it less painful. As I have the replacement I have to have a chat with a consultant about what they think the good outcomes are.
I am having issues because I am hypermobile and I have Pelvic Girdle Pain and am working hard on strengthening the muscles to try and halt that getting worse. As I am older (43) there are risks that go with my age and I am aware the toil it is taking on my body in general. I am tired all the time but hopefully that will change. I am working hard at maintaining my current weight until putting weight is required, which is totally fine given my current weight is classified as obese still.
So, this blog is taking a bit of a turn for a hip replacement and pregnancy combo.
A couple of answers to questions. We are due late January and we know the baby is human and very likely to be ginger other than that we can't change anything and won't know time they are born, we are both every excited. Oh, and no real bump yet, and of course ask first!
23.5.17
Falling down trousers.
Spoiler alert : whining, swearing and possibly unpopular opinions about weight loss.
I am pottering along with trying to get rid of this damn implant pain. I have reached the goal weight I hoped may alleviate it but it still comes and goes. Admittedly less coming and more going but I am not convinced that it all the work I done and more likely a change in the weather.
I have given it a very hard work out, when in the Lake District we walked a lot, a scramble over rocks and up and down steep uneven stairs. Then a walk around Buttermere, an 8 km walk in the rain that left a lot of mud on my trousers and shoes after negotiating some rough terrain. I was tired but it was well worth it and such a change from what I could do last visit to the Lake District. The implant was sore at points but not too bad. I have a horrid week about month or so ago where I really didn’t know what to do.
I am not worried when it twinges when doing squats in the gym, because that inflicted pressure but walking is a concern and some days I can feel it sitting. I am not sure what the outcome of the meeting with Mr Hutt in July will be like. I have kept my end of the suggestions for improving it, weight loss and muscle building.
I have managed to drop enough weight to move from severely obese to just obese, I know BMI is imperfect but it does have bearing on an idea how I am going, I am aiming for overweight, I am not sure I will get down to normal. I have lost 9.6% of my body weight and I am certainly fitter than I have been in a long time. I can swim 1 km in the pool without too many issues and this was something I struggled with before starting this endeavour. I do the cross trainer and can squat with 15 kg and do leg presses with 58kg. My back issues have settled down, which is great because I was concerned that was going to hang around for some time. My trousers need a belt and I am moving into smaller clothes that have been in drawers for quite some time. This of course, leaves the issue of quite serviceable clothing, including a swimming costume that do not fit. Mr Gin has said to get rid of them because together we are not going to let me expand to that point again, too much headache to get rid of it!
I need to shift my mind set that my weight wasn’t effecting my health. There is a lot of social media content about body positivity and I totally get that it is out there and people come in many shapes but western society is getting fatter and the issues with that can’t be ignored. If we were our pets, vet’s would be having words and putting us on the most expensive diet kibble. We are animals, flesh machines and like most animals or machines putting in too much fuel in is never going to end well. There are plenty of health reasons, physically, that make losing weight difficult but if that was they were the only reason there would not be so much cause for concern. We are exposed to so many unhelpful situations; drinking cultures, cheap plentiful easy high calorie food, hidden calories, that women athletes are not sexy, sedentary life styles, being time poor for cooking or fitness, poor nutrition education, that you have to be reed thin to go to a gym and that not wanting to be fat is some sort anti-feminism stance. So many issues. Personally, I find it difficult to continue justifying being fat when I know I feel worse for it and millions of people are starving locally and globally. I am happy to support friends who embrace body positivity in all its forms, as long as they support me too. I am also happy to help others wanting to join me. End the ranty bit, possibly.
I puffed like a train coming up the stairs at my local tube station, now I do it without wanting to lie down for a week at the top. Watching what you is boring, I think about it a lot, I talk about it a lot because it is hard and depressing. I am finding being disciplined fucking hard work. The UK food portions are not designed for dinky women, I love a deep fried piece of meat, chips with mayonnaise and all the cheese. I love to bake, I love cake. Certainly growing up with a mother who was on diet after diet and then at 22 told me at a size 12 I had got fat did not help. I know I have self-control issues and a fucking love food, I love to cook and I cook for friends, family and lovers because I love them. A lot of these demons and habits I have to address myself but up until now I have not really had partners who actively helped. Mr Gin has been monumentally helpful even though I have cut his red wine consumption immensely and am trying to push both of our eating to the healthy side. For him, he has lost a bit of weight which he is pleased about. He is also pleased I am walking more and generally not as tired when being normal, walking and stuff.
On the subject of walking, let us talk about my feet which are still annoying the shit out of me. I saw a consultant about them, getting some custom made innersoles for my shoes and a referral for an ultrasound guided steroid injection. I have been stretching, possibly not as much as I should but have been struggling with being quite low the past few weeks. I am not sure why that is and have tried to plan things to look forward to over the next few weeks, dinner with friends and an exciting Penn and Teller show. Also a birthday at the end of June which I need to work out if I want to do anything for.
Hopefully my meeting with Mr Hutt will be productive and if I do have buy new jeans I won’t kill anyone doing so.
I am pottering along with trying to get rid of this damn implant pain. I have reached the goal weight I hoped may alleviate it but it still comes and goes. Admittedly less coming and more going but I am not convinced that it all the work I done and more likely a change in the weather.
I have given it a very hard work out, when in the Lake District we walked a lot, a scramble over rocks and up and down steep uneven stairs. Then a walk around Buttermere, an 8 km walk in the rain that left a lot of mud on my trousers and shoes after negotiating some rough terrain. I was tired but it was well worth it and such a change from what I could do last visit to the Lake District. The implant was sore at points but not too bad. I have a horrid week about month or so ago where I really didn’t know what to do.
I am not worried when it twinges when doing squats in the gym, because that inflicted pressure but walking is a concern and some days I can feel it sitting. I am not sure what the outcome of the meeting with Mr Hutt in July will be like. I have kept my end of the suggestions for improving it, weight loss and muscle building.
I have managed to drop enough weight to move from severely obese to just obese, I know BMI is imperfect but it does have bearing on an idea how I am going, I am aiming for overweight, I am not sure I will get down to normal. I have lost 9.6% of my body weight and I am certainly fitter than I have been in a long time. I can swim 1 km in the pool without too many issues and this was something I struggled with before starting this endeavour. I do the cross trainer and can squat with 15 kg and do leg presses with 58kg. My back issues have settled down, which is great because I was concerned that was going to hang around for some time. My trousers need a belt and I am moving into smaller clothes that have been in drawers for quite some time. This of course, leaves the issue of quite serviceable clothing, including a swimming costume that do not fit. Mr Gin has said to get rid of them because together we are not going to let me expand to that point again, too much headache to get rid of it!
I need to shift my mind set that my weight wasn’t effecting my health. There is a lot of social media content about body positivity and I totally get that it is out there and people come in many shapes but western society is getting fatter and the issues with that can’t be ignored. If we were our pets, vet’s would be having words and putting us on the most expensive diet kibble. We are animals, flesh machines and like most animals or machines putting in too much fuel in is never going to end well. There are plenty of health reasons, physically, that make losing weight difficult but if that was they were the only reason there would not be so much cause for concern. We are exposed to so many unhelpful situations; drinking cultures, cheap plentiful easy high calorie food, hidden calories, that women athletes are not sexy, sedentary life styles, being time poor for cooking or fitness, poor nutrition education, that you have to be reed thin to go to a gym and that not wanting to be fat is some sort anti-feminism stance. So many issues. Personally, I find it difficult to continue justifying being fat when I know I feel worse for it and millions of people are starving locally and globally. I am happy to support friends who embrace body positivity in all its forms, as long as they support me too. I am also happy to help others wanting to join me. End the ranty bit, possibly.
I puffed like a train coming up the stairs at my local tube station, now I do it without wanting to lie down for a week at the top. Watching what you is boring, I think about it a lot, I talk about it a lot because it is hard and depressing. I am finding being disciplined fucking hard work. The UK food portions are not designed for dinky women, I love a deep fried piece of meat, chips with mayonnaise and all the cheese. I love to bake, I love cake. Certainly growing up with a mother who was on diet after diet and then at 22 told me at a size 12 I had got fat did not help. I know I have self-control issues and a fucking love food, I love to cook and I cook for friends, family and lovers because I love them. A lot of these demons and habits I have to address myself but up until now I have not really had partners who actively helped. Mr Gin has been monumentally helpful even though I have cut his red wine consumption immensely and am trying to push both of our eating to the healthy side. For him, he has lost a bit of weight which he is pleased about. He is also pleased I am walking more and generally not as tired when being normal, walking and stuff.
On the subject of walking, let us talk about my feet which are still annoying the shit out of me. I saw a consultant about them, getting some custom made innersoles for my shoes and a referral for an ultrasound guided steroid injection. I have been stretching, possibly not as much as I should but have been struggling with being quite low the past few weeks. I am not sure why that is and have tried to plan things to look forward to over the next few weeks, dinner with friends and an exciting Penn and Teller show. Also a birthday at the end of June which I need to work out if I want to do anything for.
Hopefully my meeting with Mr Hutt will be productive and if I do have buy new jeans I won’t kill anyone doing so.
16.4.17
The end of training and the dawn of a new day.. OR I hate gyms.
Contains whinging about weight and swearing, you have been warned.
This week saw the end of my eight week program at the gym has finished. I am sad to see it go as having to be on time for sessions has made a good routine.
The personal trainers have been ace, working around my awkwardness and actually improving my body in space. The improvement over a short period of time has been astounding. I can balance better and the muscles are obviously building. I walked a 5 km last week and did it easily. My speed walking is noticeably more standard and the limp is slowly disappearing.
I think also my feet are improving, I am stretching all the time but they seem to be less tender. It is still not brilliant though but I did get to wear my Doc Marten's boots which was awesome. They feel very hard after wearing sneakers for years!
I am find clothes are fitting better in general I have a bit more energy. Mr Gin thinks I am notably less wide.
I still bloody hate the gym though, I resent the effort that has to go into this, three gym sessions. Although I am going to swap a gym for a swim soon, I now fit into my old bathers/swimmers, which are quite high cut and show off my tattoo of the implant very well. The team at the gym have been supportive and will continue to do so but I still hate and fume at the fact I have to go. I am getting a handle on my eating but it is so damn boring! I am having two very small meals a day so I can be 'indulgent' with my dinner, so tedious trying to input all my meals as Mr Gin and I like variety and love to cook. I hate being so short, to be 6 inches taller would make it a bit more manageable.
I am about a 1/3 of my way to my goal weight and a couple of kg from my mid point for Mr Hutt. Sadly, there is no change in the implant pain. But the muscles around the right hip are my better and seem to to absorbing the impact a little more.
This was noticeable a week of so back when I fucking RAN for a BUS! About 15 meters, not flat out but never mind that, ran, I have not run properly, without my skipping style of movement for at least three years. This feels un-fucking-believable, it is something that I have never done well and have been very nervous doing with the implant pain and fear of pain and falling. It is really difficult to articulate how much it meant to me.
Even though I hate the gym with a hatred of a thousand burning suns and I feel shitty for saying it because the team at the gym have been nothing but wonderful but I really don't like going. I will be going for another program in the summer, that should help shift some more weight.
This week saw the end of my eight week program at the gym has finished. I am sad to see it go as having to be on time for sessions has made a good routine.
The personal trainers have been ace, working around my awkwardness and actually improving my body in space. The improvement over a short period of time has been astounding. I can balance better and the muscles are obviously building. I walked a 5 km last week and did it easily. My speed walking is noticeably more standard and the limp is slowly disappearing.
I think also my feet are improving, I am stretching all the time but they seem to be less tender. It is still not brilliant though but I did get to wear my Doc Marten's boots which was awesome. They feel very hard after wearing sneakers for years!
I am find clothes are fitting better in general I have a bit more energy. Mr Gin thinks I am notably less wide.
I still bloody hate the gym though, I resent the effort that has to go into this, three gym sessions. Although I am going to swap a gym for a swim soon, I now fit into my old bathers/swimmers, which are quite high cut and show off my tattoo of the implant very well. The team at the gym have been supportive and will continue to do so but I still hate and fume at the fact I have to go. I am getting a handle on my eating but it is so damn boring! I am having two very small meals a day so I can be 'indulgent' with my dinner, so tedious trying to input all my meals as Mr Gin and I like variety and love to cook. I hate being so short, to be 6 inches taller would make it a bit more manageable.
I am about a 1/3 of my way to my goal weight and a couple of kg from my mid point for Mr Hutt. Sadly, there is no change in the implant pain. But the muscles around the right hip are my better and seem to to absorbing the impact a little more.
This was noticeable a week of so back when I fucking RAN for a BUS! About 15 meters, not flat out but never mind that, ran, I have not run properly, without my skipping style of movement for at least three years. This feels un-fucking-believable, it is something that I have never done well and have been very nervous doing with the implant pain and fear of pain and falling. It is really difficult to articulate how much it meant to me.
Even though I hate the gym with a hatred of a thousand burning suns and I feel shitty for saying it because the team at the gym have been nothing but wonderful but I really don't like going. I will be going for another program in the summer, that should help shift some more weight.
27.3.17
Working hard, small improvements.
Trigger warning : I am going to talk about weight loss and assorted stuff.
First, feet. I am still having trouble with heel pain. I can have days were it is fine but other days it is a burning mess. I went to see a GP about them. She agreed I was approaching it well, all the right exercises, including the ones adjusted by the physiotherapist for my whacky hypermobile joints. So she referred me for steroid injections, into the soles of my feet. Which filled me with dread but frankly the cycle of inflammation needs to be broken. I am doing the best things possible with it all, stretches, massage and trying to stay off my feet. But some days even standing to cook dinner is too much.
Next, thigh pain, still there, unfortunately. I'm not game to run it still. I miss buses because of this. The cold does upset it, making itself known when walking in the chill the most. On a positive note, when coming up from bending down and going up stairs, it seems to have lessened. This seems to be down to some muscle building that I have been doing. I have been working very hard at this.
I have signed up with a weight lose program at work. It is eight weeks of Personal Training sessions and looking at my eating habits. The Occupational Health Doctor at work suggested it and I took her up on it. I am honest, I am overweight, I know this. I am not that happy with my body shape but I love food and I love to cook. I eat and drink too much. I have been making small changes because I felt a major immediate change was not going to last. I cut our diet coke in December, I started cutting out my snacks chips/crisps and chocolate in January, and in February I started going to gym three times per week. It seems to be working, I have dropped five kilograms in weight, through exercise and calorie counting. The goal is 20 kg by the end of the year, about 25% of my body weight. I am hoping that this will help with the thigh pain and avoid surgery. It also should help with the long term health of the joint, both metal and bone but I do find it tough that I am going to have to this regime for the rest of my life. I really hate the fact I am so short and the rest of the world seems to be aiming to feed people 8 inches taller than ma all the time.
There has been a very happy change with my walk too, I went back to physio, they helped a lot, noting I was dropping into the joint instead of using my glute and thigh muscles. This has meant that I was still limping, and I was not happy with that, especially when I found out that both my legs are the same length. The Personal training combined with the physio has almost removed the limp and has definitely removed the rolling gait I had. The muscles are building up and although my right leg muscles are still weaker than the left but I working very hard at making them even strength. The more I work at this the better the walk should get, removing the 40 years of walking badly.
So, there has been a lot of change happening in the past couple of months and I have found it it difficult mentally. My mental health has been very up and down, work has made it tough to with various uber stressful things that could have been avoided. I have found the program beneficial and have decided that I will do another in the summer to keep the body trimming down. The worst bit about this is I am going to have to buy new jeans, urgh I hate shopping for jeans.
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