I am pottering along with trying to get rid of this damn implant pain. I have reached the goal weight I hoped may alleviate it but it still comes and goes. Admittedly less coming and more going but I am not convinced that it all the work I done and more likely a change in the weather.
I have given it a very hard work out, when in the Lake District we walked a lot, a scramble over rocks and up and down steep uneven stairs. Then a walk around Buttermere, an 8 km walk in the rain that left a lot of mud on my trousers and shoes after negotiating some rough terrain. I was tired but it was well worth it and such a change from what I could do last visit to the Lake District. The implant was sore at points but not too bad. I have a horrid week about month or so ago where I really didn’t know what to do.
I am not worried when it twinges when doing squats in the gym, because that inflicted pressure but walking is a concern and some days I can feel it sitting. I am not sure what the outcome of the meeting with Mr Hutt in July will be like. I have kept my end of the suggestions for improving it, weight loss and muscle building.
I have managed to drop enough weight to move from severely obese to just obese, I know BMI is imperfect but it does have bearing on an idea how I am going, I am aiming for overweight, I am not sure I will get down to normal. I have lost 9.6% of my body weight and I am certainly fitter than I have been in a long time. I can swim 1 km in the pool without too many issues and this was something I struggled with before starting this endeavour. I do the cross trainer and can squat with 15 kg and do leg presses with 58kg. My back issues have settled down, which is great because I was concerned that was going to hang around for some time. My trousers need a belt and I am moving into smaller clothes that have been in drawers for quite some time. This of course, leaves the issue of quite serviceable clothing, including a swimming costume that do not fit. Mr Gin has said to get rid of them because together we are not going to let me expand to that point again, too much headache to get rid of it!
I need to shift my mind set that my weight wasn’t effecting my health. There is a lot of social media content about body positivity and I totally get that it is out there and people come in many shapes but western society is getting fatter and the issues with that can’t be ignored. If we were our pets, vet’s would be having words and putting us on the most expensive diet kibble. We are animals, flesh machines and like most animals or machines putting in too much fuel in is never going to end well. There are plenty of health reasons, physically, that make losing weight difficult but if that was they were the only reason there would not be so much cause for concern. We are exposed to so many unhelpful situations; drinking cultures, cheap plentiful easy high calorie food, hidden calories, that women athletes are not sexy, sedentary life styles, being time poor for cooking or fitness, poor nutrition education, that you have to be reed thin to go to a gym and that not wanting to be fat is some sort anti-feminism stance. So many issues. Personally, I find it difficult to continue justifying being fat when I know I feel worse for it and millions of people are starving locally and globally. I am happy to support friends who embrace body positivity in all its forms, as long as they support me too. I am also happy to help others wanting to join me. End the ranty bit, possibly.
I puffed like a train coming up the stairs at my local tube station, now I do it without wanting to lie down for a week at the top. Watching what you is boring, I think about it a lot, I talk about it a lot because it is hard and depressing. I am finding being disciplined fucking hard work. The UK food portions are not designed for dinky women, I love a deep fried piece of meat, chips with mayonnaise and all the cheese. I love to bake, I love cake. Certainly growing up with a mother who was on diet after diet and then at 22 told me at a size 12 I had got fat did not help. I know I have self-control issues and a fucking love food, I love to cook and I cook for friends, family and lovers because I love them. A lot of these demons and habits I have to address myself but up until now I have not really had partners who actively helped. Mr Gin has been monumentally helpful even though I have cut his red wine consumption immensely and am trying to push both of our eating to the healthy side. For him, he has lost a bit of weight which he is pleased about. He is also pleased I am walking more and generally not as tired when being normal, walking and stuff.
On the subject of walking, let us talk about my feet which are still annoying the shit out of me. I saw a consultant about them, getting some custom made innersoles for my shoes and a referral for an ultrasound guided steroid injection. I have been stretching, possibly not as much as I should but have been struggling with being quite low the past few weeks. I am not sure why that is and have tried to plan things to look forward to over the next few weeks, dinner with friends and an exciting Penn and Teller show. Also a birthday at the end of June which I need to work out if I want to do anything for.
Hopefully my meeting with Mr Hutt will be productive and if I do have buy new jeans I won’t kill anyone doing so.
