Two weeks to go and I can not wait.

So, it is two weeks today till surgery and I can not wait. I am over the pain and in the grand scheme of things I have little to belly ache about it.
I am in the privileged position that my pain should disappear within month of the operation.  It may hurt from time to time but it has always been manageable. I was born broken and although my mother did the best she could in a small country town, I was not fixed. In the end a very good surgeon did the best he could with a bad situation. We knew that it was all going to pear shaped at some point and it was just a matter of time. Having always being broken, I don't really know different and it is just a way of life, frustrating at times and down right depressing at others but on the whole fairly happy and my normal.
Recently, someone on the Internet suggested I had more right to complain about pain and illness than others, because they felt I had an identifiable issue. ie mashed up hip. And I was 'allowed' to whinge. This rankles quite a lot.  Not only because that sort of statement is pretty ridiculous but also because it touched on something that I have been thinking about for a long time. The privilege of pain and that I am in the white straight man zone.
First, I just want to talk a little about pain. Up until recently I have had bouts of being pain free, if I sat for a while or was in bed it was pretty good. I know can feel the joint in bed and some day there is little I  can do to ignore it and have taken all the pain killers. I hobble about and swear a lot and rest a lot but I can get stuff done. Not as much as I would like but I am pretty good at working out what I can get done on a given day. But I have had to adjust everything in my life. I am not out as much, when I am out, I am packing heavy pain killers so I can walk, socialise or generally try and live life, within a hip that is rubbing bone on bone allows.
It is isolating because being at home is the best, less distance to walk, no pesky public transport and comfy couch and amazing bed. Our couch also allows me to lie down and there is a big arse telly with Netflix and a the Skybox. So, home is safe and cosy but we do live a fair way away from most of our social life when you are on a cane and restricted with distance.
That isolation plays havoc with your mental health, social media shows people out and about doing things, some that you have had to turn down. As time wears on getting people to come to you and getting to things becomes harder and it is easier to curl up at home. At home I have one person to complain to. Mr Gin is lovely but he does not need to hear that, me being in pain is tough for him too. He is doing more around the house and in general being the rock for my crazy. And crazy is the operative word. I have a couple outlets, social media, taking photos and sewing. Sewing is becoming difficult as the standing and the physical action of using the sewing machine foot is getting harder. So, the outlets are becoming smaller and social media is the best place to feel less like you are alone, driving the love of your life nuts. Facebook is a pub and twitter a huge nightclub.  Inevitably you end up being that person who has a one update. Or a couple, that revolve around how shitty you feel and you are cancelling again. But it is an outlet and an important one.
But I am very privileged. I have a light at the end of my tunnel, I have juggled and am on a road that should lead to new and possibly a better normal. As long as it does not go wrong relatively pain free, able to dance all night and then walk home. Why is this privilege? Because there is an end.
I have a number of friends with chronic conditions there is no end, there are less pain options but you have to give up something in some cases or there is simply nothing that can be done but managing life and expectations. And that isolation I have only had to deal with a short period is their life. And justifiably they have to have outlets because life is bed of roses and roses have big bloody thorns.  One friend, who has Ehlers-Danlos, a rare joint disorder was on the receiving end of some nasty stuff because she vented on Facebook. I was once briefly was misdiagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos, I am just overly bendy, nothing that causes the issues she has. And has no way to get away from them. Personally, I would be complaining a lot more than she does. And hell, more than most friends with issues.
Mainly because I have walked in their shoes for a mile and I don't like it, not one freaking bit. I am prevailed and acknowledge it. Next time you see that whiney sick mate complaining on Facebook, don't tell them to pull their socks up. Offer to take the party to them or just listen. And don't be a dick.
Bring on Thursday two weeks away.

Have Cape Will Travel!

I have just spent a week in the Lake District.

Travelling with a dodgy hip makes for an interesting time when going into an area of natural beauty with mountains and mud. In nature there are hills, stones, steps and not many bust stops which can make it tough to make it an enjoyable time. But we had a plan!

We had a car and a lot of tramadol. We had a small list of things we wanted to do and as it is late November in the UK the days are short. This meant we could keep our days at manageable length by trying to returning back to our holiday home before dark.

The other part of the plan was to take strong pain killers and hope I did not buy all the shiny things and also  not do too much and make sure what we did was accessible. Mr Gin said he would rather a slightly drugged me than me being in pain. I took this on board , I don’t like the feeling of being on tramadol and there was one point I felt like my brain had shrunk and I could feel a breeze  between my brain and skull, not very nice. It did mean I could walk further and we did something every day. And most of it involved some walking, generally I rested in the evening and in the mornings not too much pain to deal with! Mr Gin was a trooper and had to explain to some shop keepers as I lost track of my thought’s and found money a little tricky at time. Oddly I found dealing with my camera generally fine. I used my cane outside all the time and found most people aware off it and got out of my way which helped too.

A couple of places that deserve mention for their amazing accessibility and views as, for me, most of the views were out of my reach with the walking.  The first was  Force , an amazing water fall in the Pennines. The walk was a wide gravelled path, a little steep at the beginning that would be a challenge for wheel chairs coming back. For me it was very comfortable, and it was only at the falls I skipped the short flight if steps to the river side. The views all the way were stunning and not going down the stair did not mean I felt I was missing out!  Brilliant.

The old railway line walk in Keswick was also lovely, it was a little muddy and stout boots would be advisable. The bridges were well constructed and had anti slip bits. It is part of a bike trail to the coast there were no steps. The general feel was tranquil and well used with lots tourists and visitors using it, from bike riders, joggers, older walkers and lots of dogs using the trail. We were assured there was good coffee at the end.

We visited Beatrix Potter’s Cottage, the house is generally not open and I suspect would be very much an old building with the standard issue winding stairs and narrow doorways and tight interiors. The original cobbled path was a challenge but we did find an asphalt path which was much easier to navigate.  There were some steps into the main building but I think there was a way around this. The cottage is run by the National trust and the staff were super helpful.

Castlerigg stone circle was amazing to visit, located in a field there was a little bit of a sort ground issue and if you were on your own the self-closing gated could be a challenge. We parked right outside and just crossed the road to get in. At the entrance there was a bronze plate with the relief casting of the circle for those with vision loss. The hill was a little steep and the grass deep but I got up the hill to be greeted with the most magnificent view. Just breath taking. The circle was lovely and the view stunning. Had it been any wetter I figure the grass would be mud but certainly accessible.

A lot of the Lake District towns are old and therefore have the standard issues of steps and generally getting into places. In general we did not find many places with toilets down stairs or upstairs like you do in London. Most of the pavements were well cared for but of course there were places there was no pavement and you had to go onto the road. Most of the curbs were low and dropped in many places.

Finally the most wonderful thing was it was possible to get to parts of the lakes and drink in the views and even driving around in the car the views were stunning.

With the all the planning and work arounds we had a great time, but so will be back when I can climb some mountains. 

Adventures with a walking stick : a room full of foodies, all strangers

I have two walking sticks, or canes and I hate them, all they symbolise. I will admit they make life easier though but the thought of meeting a room full of strangers in my own with a cane fills me with horror. It is purely because I am not that comfortable with having to explain my fresh face and cane.
So, how did I manage to end up in a well known restaurant, at a private function full of foodies, in full goth make up, wearing my grandma's petticoats and brandishing my cane with a champagne flute talking about all things food and hip related? Sheer luck and awesome mates.

I had filled a survey on line at the behest of my brother's best mate. The group are called Social Soup. I waxed lyrical about my love of food and cooking as well being open about the Spanish red wine love affair that happens in our house. I uploaded slightly dodgy Instagram photos of my cooking and a very excited Mr Gin (my partner) out to dinner. I figured that there were bigger foodies out there with more followers that would be of interest.

When the invite to an free evening of food and wine hit my inbox, I could not click yes quick enough after reading the menu.

So, last Tuesday I rolled, well, hobbled up to Balthazar restaurant to hang out in their lovely Victorian private dinning room to try a special menu matched to Jacobs Creek wine. Not surprisingly this free wine and food fest was a marketing campaign aimed at the foodies of London. There were bloggers, Instagrammers, supper club organisers and food business owners.  And me, the lady with black lace framed cleavage and two toned hair, feeling very much out of my depth, leaning my my posh cane with silver top, like I do it all the time. Then there were bubbles, sparkling wine, a flute on comfort that I know something about. I gave up trying to being cool and elegant, asked how long we would be standing and chose to hang onto my glass like life preserver and sip the dry but slightly sweet Reserve Chardonnay Pinot Noir Brut NV, discarding the cane to wobble gently. As the bubbles faded from the glass I was looking for a second glasses  but we were herded to the long table that seemed to hold a department store of glassware.

I sat amongst lovely chatting ladies, mainly antipodeans and considering Jacobs Creek is also Australian, along with Social Soup this made sense. As we chatted our glasses were filled with Reserve Adelaide Hills Chardonnay 2013 and the phones came out, unfortunatly the light was not very good and my pictures were a little hit and miss. , The team running the event introduced themselves and began their spiel. This was my first marketing talk for a long time, and the atmosphere was lovely, my chair comfortable and there was wine, I could listen. We were called tribe leaders, I must admit at that moment I did wonder if they realised most of my Instagram followers like my Minecraft pictures, maybe not the tribe they were thinking of. They moved onto wine tasting. Certainly not my forte, I know what I like but don't know my blackberry from my gooseberry when if comes to wine but I do know I prefer my chards not too oaky. Which the reserve was, only gently oaky and went beautifully with the grilled langoustines for starter. I have never eaten these hybrid prawn lobsters before, I tend to steer away from seafood but know I don't mind prawns. I did have to watch others begin eating so I knew how to attack them. The meat was sweet and the salsa not too oniony. My only complaint was there was not enough!

Next came the red, a light Adelaide Hills Pinot Noir 2013, as it was quite warm, this was lovely in the warmth of the room. The next dish I was looking forward to, even though it had beetroot. (I really do not understand the Australian obsession with beetroot.) I love duck and the Hot smoked duck with cherries, beetroot and braised lettuce with a Pinot Noir and cherry sauce sounded lush. Sadly the duck was too rare for my taste and a tad chewy and lacking in smoked flavour. But the sauce was delish and even the evil beetroot was good, and I am going to learn how to braise lettuce. I got more wine and chatted some more, discussing wine, duck and hips. At some point I will have more conversation subjects besides my hip!
If an Australian company is going to showcase food, then kangaroo is a good choice. I love kangaroo and know all the cheeky places to get it, so another dish I was looking forward to, hoping the chef was not trying to cook it for the first time.  I was not disappointed, it was soft and gamey, just as it should be, rare and delightful, served with cabbage, pancetta and carrot with a sauce made from the Reserve Barossa Shiraz 2015, which again was lush. The wine full bodied and complimented the 'roo.  The only downside was the little hard pillow to boost the roo up, a gentle mound of mashed potato would have been preferable.

We were moving towards dessert, the chatter louder as the glasses were topped up and another red was poured. Red, dessert? A combination I steer away from normally. I sipped my Reserve Coonawarra Cabernet Sauvignon 2011 and waited to see what was paired with this smooth red.  A white plate with a large sphere of dark chocolate appeared, it was filled with mint eucalyptus and blackberries. A waiter poured hot chocolate over the sphere which then did a wonderful impression of the wicked witch of the west. The eucalyptus was not strong but took the edge of the sweetness making the Cabernet Sauvignon not the bitter after taste I was expecting.  I am not sure I would do the combination again but I was impressed.

Tea and coffee came next and the wine disappeared, I would have liked one last glass or another option besides tea or coffee, drinks that I don't partake in.

All in all it was a lovely night and the Jacobs Creek team were very happy to send the wine for a dinner party to my house instead of wrangling my cane and six bottles of wine on the tube. I managed to spend the night talking to strangers with cane in hand or nearby and not feel too broken. So, I have a dinner party to hose byt the end of August, who would like to join me and Mr Gin? There is going to be medium rare duck.