Broken surprises.

It has four years since I had the replacement and four months since the bone graft.

Recovery from the graft is proving to be interesting, more difficult than I thought and with a surprise that my surgeon has never seen from this already unusual surgery.

I had a check up six weeks ago and I am still processing the news, the x-ray showed that I have fractured the bone graft. Clear through middle, where the stem tip hits the bone. We are a bit of a loss as to how this has happened and what this means for the success of the operation. It is gutting.  The unknown of this is a bit tough.

The recovery has been difficult with stiffness and flexibility. I am finding it frustrating and depressing, having a toddler around has made extra hard and I am thankful he came along after the hip replacement! It may have been easier to put this off till Squeaky was in school but we have so many other unknowns this had to be sorted.

I had four Hydrotherapy sessions and they helped. I am finding being focused on the physio difficult and really need to be better. I find I can lift and carry Squeaky but a bit loathe to run after him and he is running! Everywhere!
I need to find some motivation and not let this fracture drag me down and hope that my bone merges in with the graft. I need this leg to be back to normal regardless. I have to this but am so worried it is has failed and all this pain and the lack of flexibility is for nought.to write this a few
I have tried to be sparkly about this but am failing a bit. I am still off work and trying to get myself and this damn leg. Then forward.

Everything on hold and a focus shift.

So, in my blog last time I wrote this "I am happy to support friends who embrace body positivity in all its forms, as long as they support me too."  There have been a number of instances, recently, where this has not happened and people have been actively quite depressing and negative about people trying to lose weight, for the sake of losing weight. I have taken these things a bit personally.

I have worked fucking hard over the past six months to loose weight, there have been also some muscle building goals as well and side effect of becoming fit. But the Big goal was to lose 10kg by July, by June I had lost 13 kg.  I did this through hard work and discipline, getting up early to go to the gym and counting a calories like only a woman with an addictive personality can.  It was hard going to the gym and pool and working hard, it is not an activity I enjoy. I did have Mr Gin and there personal training team to support me but that was all there was really besides a work colleague who was really lovely as she slimmed down to for her wedding. But the numbers were important, I wanted to jump up and down with every .5 kilo lost. Mr. Gin got lots of photos like below  because I felt putting them on social media was not that caring for a variety of reasons. I was gutted by a couple of instances that just made me feel fairly shit about my numbers and the reasons I was doing this. I really didn't get this when I was doing my best to support their choices by not carrying on. So I am now going to talk about numbers, I needed that support and will need it again.

I got down to 70 kg from 83 kg in December 2016.  At 153 cm that is a huge chunk of change. Both myself and Mr Gin worked hard, he really has been the sole support through it all. We had a goal, to drop weight to reduce the stress on the implant and avoid surgery. I got to the goal and I was pleased with the strength in the legs, there was a lessening in the pain but not as much as I would have liked.
I saw Mr Hutt in July, I had maintained my weight for a month and half so was stoked.  He was very pleased with my movement and the amount of muscle I had gained. My walking has improved and I just stand when getting out of a chair, no need for hands (although I am glad he does not have a low couch like we have at home.)  This is really good for the long term outcomes of the replacement.

We agreed that although the pain had decreased living with it was frustrating but possibly livable with. Leaving it over winter to see if the pain is worse seems to be the best course of action along with more muscle building and weight loss. Dropping to a BMI healthy weight range, again means less pressure on the joint and also if the NHS get carried away with BMIs for hip replacement, it does mean I am in a good shape for the left when it goes. But we have not taken surgery off the table for the implant, to push the stress along the whole thigh bone and hopefully making it less painful. And anyway he can not operate at the moment!

A surgeon not operating?  Why? Well, it is not his fault. Sort of, losing all the weight and getting fit seems had a interesting side effect.  I am pregnant! Something Mr Gin and I thought wasn't going to happen! It does mean we can't do anything with the replacement for a while.  As far Mr Hutt is concerned there is little impact on the replacement and I know it will make it less painful. As I have the replacement I have to have a chat with a consultant about what they think the good outcomes are.

I am having issues because I am hypermobile and I have Pelvic Girdle Pain and am working hard on strengthening the muscles to try and halt that getting worse. As I am older (43) there are risks that go with my age and I am aware the toil it is taking on my body in general. I am tired all the time but hopefully that will change. I am working hard at maintaining my current weight until putting weight is required, which is totally fine given my current weight is classified as obese still.

So, this blog is taking a bit of a turn for a hip replacement and pregnancy combo.

A couple of answers to questions.  We are due late January and we know the baby is human and very likely to be ginger other than that we can't change anything and won't know time they are born, we are both every excited. Oh, and no real bump yet, and of course ask first!

Working hard, small improvements.

Trigger warning : I am going to talk about weight loss and assorted stuff.

First, feet. I am still having trouble with heel pain. I can have days were it is fine but other days it is a burning mess. I went to see a GP about them. She agreed I was approaching it well, all the right exercises, including the ones adjusted by the physiotherapist for my whacky hypermobile joints. So she referred me for steroid injections, into the soles of my feet. Which filled me with dread but frankly the cycle of inflammation needs to be broken. I am doing the best things possible with it all, stretches, massage and trying to stay off my feet. But some days even standing to cook dinner is too much.

Next, thigh pain, still there, unfortunately. I'm not game to run it still. I miss buses because of this. The cold does upset it, making itself known when walking in the chill the most. On a positive note, when coming up from bending down and going up stairs, it seems to have lessened. This seems to be down to some muscle building that I have been doing. I have been working very hard at this.

I have signed up with a weight lose program at work. It is eight weeks of Personal Training sessions and looking at my eating habits. The Occupational Health Doctor at work suggested it and I took her up on it. I am honest, I am overweight, I know this. I am not that happy with my body shape but I love food and I love to cook. I eat and drink too much. I have been making small changes because I felt a major immediate change was not going to last. I cut our diet coke in December, I started cutting out my snacks chips/crisps and chocolate in January, and in February I started going to gym three times per week. It seems to be working, I have dropped five kilograms in weight, through exercise and calorie counting. The goal is 20 kg by the end of the year, about 25% of my body weight. I am hoping that this will help with the thigh pain and avoid surgery. It also should help with the long term health of the joint, both metal and bone but I do find it tough that I am going to have to this regime for the rest of my life. I really hate the fact I am so short and the rest of the world seems to be aiming to feed people 8 inches taller than ma all the time. 

There has been a very happy change with my walk too, I went back to physio, they helped a lot, noting I was dropping into the joint instead of using my glute and thigh muscles. This has meant that I was still limping, and I was not happy with that, especially when I found out that both my legs are the same length. The Personal training combined with the physio has almost removed the limp and has definitely removed the rolling gait I had.  The muscles are building up and although my right leg muscles are still weaker than the left but I working very hard at making them even strength. The more I work at this the better the walk should get, removing the 40 years of walking badly. 

So,  there has been a lot of change happening in the past couple of months and I have found it it difficult mentally. My mental health has been very up and down, work has made it tough to with various uber stressful things that could have been avoided. I have found the program beneficial and have decided that I will do another in the summer to keep the body trimming down. The worst bit about this is I am going to have to buy new jeans, urgh I hate shopping for jeans.

Six months, really, yes really!

The Big Six month update.

It has been quiet on the blog because there is not all that much to report. Not much has changed but I have had the six months check up with Mr Hutt so an update feels to be in order. It is not an overly cheerful update because I am still frustrated but will try for an upbeat mode.

So, sports massage, brilliant idea, has sorted out my back. Fabulous! I have found a good masseur through work, she is close and reasonably priced. My rock hard calves have settled down which is brilliant. I suspect this is no longer a luxury but a necessary to help my body along as I try to sort this walk. Loosening muscles seems to help a fair bit and maybe it will help with the thigh pain I have having.

Thigh pain. A frustrating new thing along with a knee that is a bit sore and audible in its crunching! The thigh pain is from tip of the implant in my thigh bone, it is deep and ranges from nothing, a bit achy to quite sore. I rarely take pain killers for it but it is not something I want to live with. Mr Hutt has explained some of the issue comes from me being a dainty wee thing, well, short (153cm) and the stem being reasonably long. It tends to get sore when I put pressure on it from exercises etc. It is deep, under muscle pain. It was intermittent when I first got the hip done then disappeared and then came back in June and has not disappeared. Yet. There is hope as it all beds in that the pain will disappear and things will be peachy. The pain is such that I am bit wary of trying to run, even for a bus because I think that will be a nasty sharp pain. Mr Hutt, thinks in 12 month we will know if it is going to be an ongoing issue.

Sadly, if it does not go in that time, the only option maybe a revision and new hip. I want to avoid that. So much. So much. So at the moment lots research happening and exercising to gentle persuade the tip to bed in and the bone to become less sensitive! I just hope it is all worth it.

The knee could be muscles pulling on the knee cap which I will get my masseur to look at that and if that does not help, off to the GP! Frankly dodgy left knee is in the bad books because I would like the body to give me a break for a while.

Needless to say all the above it a bit tough to deal with and digest but recently finding someone with similar issues with the same implant and put in by the same surgeon has helped a lot.

Exercise. I hate the gym. But I am doing static biking, leg weight machine things and cross trainer. Not too much swimming lately but I am doing a fair amount of that, not quite cracked the 1 km in 30 minutes mark but hoping to soon. At some point there will be leg presses and rowing soon, if I can work out how to use the rowing machine!

The bloody walk. I have new sneakers but they are being rapidly destroyed by my twisty left foot. I am still hip hiking and a little bit of the waddle, a throw back from the old walk and also a bit with the thigh pain. Mr Hutt felt that perfection will not happen on its own and there are some terrible habits of a lifetime break. The skeletal foundation is the best we can hope for, we think the hip has settled about 1mm down which is not much but could have been the angle of the x-ray or a result of normal settling or a major collision I had with the floor 3 months ago. He is very pleased (as am I) with the movement I have. I can sit cross legged like a primary school child, this is something I have NEVER been able to do even as a child. The range of movement is very good and smooth. The muscles are building nicely but could do with some more building.  So, this means some more gym work and locating a physiotherapist to help with the walking. There is more in this than weak muscles, there are old habits and I do not really know what a proper walk feels like.  I think this is clincher, the past physio expected I would know what a normal walk would feel like. I really don’t I have never walked like a normal person, my gait has been awkward since I learned to walk on a dislocated hip as a two year old!

I am walking fair distances and with speed, I can keep up with Mr Gin pretty well and now there is no longer any forward planning for going out, I walk my local high street easily and climb two to three stories of stairs, although a bit puffy, quite well. My overall fitness and weight leave a bit to be desired but that is the story of my life and not really to do with the new hip. I could do with losing a good 30 kilograms and that might help with the overall fitness. Sadly, I find gym boring and rather like food and booze, so this is always going to be a struggle.  I have been walking more because of all things, Pokemon Go, it drives Mr Gin bonkers but gets me out and about. I am trying to catch buses that require more walking and generally not take the lazy way out. I have to try and cut down on the red wine.

Work is a stressful which makes cutting the wine down hard. We have a trip to Australia booked, I am sure that I will set some sensors off! I have also got it my mind this new hip is going to do some driving, a lot of it. I am looking forward to a holiday.

There is not much else to report besides a little six month celebration but that will get its own post!

Discharged from Physio. 4 months gone!

Physio is over.  I had my final session with the Whipps Cross team.

The Physio is happy with how things are going. There is still a long way to go in building up the muscles in the operated leg but oddly one set were stronger than the good leg.

I am in two minds about being discharged. I am not happy with my walk at all. I am over extending my knees because my body thinks this the most stable position which is not what normal people do. Hypermobility is proving, once again a challenge. My joints really don’t behave in a normal fashion and what feels right is not necessarily the best for the joint. My knees are not happy with the over extending but it difficult to stop. I need more strength in both legs and my balance needs improving to push the knees into a less stressful position. I know what to do but really not sure how to get there.  I am trying to concentrate on not over flexing my knees.  My back is feeling this quite a bit as my gait moves between limp, over flexing and looking like I’m drunk, lots of the muscles I am either not used to using or changing the old movement. It has been painful but I am not going to stop. I am trying to do planks to get my core strong but of course I cannot feel when I am wonky!

I am going to get there and if I don’t see an improvement in the walk in the next couple of months I will be seeing a private physio because I am not going give in. Also some new sneakers because the ones I have are all wonky from my old walk.

The Whipps Cross physio said that I may have to settle for a strange gait. I am not sure I want to settle. My legs are the same length, I have more movement than I have ever had and Mr Hutt has given me a hip that is much more natural than the one I had. I don’t think I’m asking too much to want a walk that is close to normal.

I will be trying to do the five exercises I have been given, a lot of walking, some swimming and a bit of bike riding. I may even try to lose some weight!

I have just passed the four month mark and I have celebrated this by having a really normal night! I went to a friend’s birthday party all dressed up including my heavy black heeled New Rock boots. I have not worn them since last October, with a lot of tramadol. Saturday night was great fun, I was dressed up, there were lots people I knew and new people to meet as well drinking and… wait for it… dancing! Yes, dancing.  A friend’s band played at the party and I got up and had a boogie. I had been sensible and pulled up a barstool so I was sitting and able to see. I got up, had a boogie and even a bit of a bounce. I can jump, in New Rocks!
This was a surprise to me and my friends very welcome surprise, it is a big step towards normal. I figured I would pay the next day but no, I had the normal slightly bruised feeling in my toes. This was the biggest surprise. For this me this means I starting to move away from ‘safe’ shoes and into outfits I have missed!

Just keep swimming

Swimming, swimming, I have got back into the water about three weeks ago. The first swim it took me 20 minutes to do 400 metres.  Not bad but not brilliant. The most I have managed is 800 in 30 minutes but that wiped me out and I didn’t go the second time in the week. This week I have done 700 m and 650 m, not too bad.

I am slowly now working my way up to 1000m in 30 minutes, twice a week. Doing some kick board work as well. I am finding that the most interesting because the lack of power in my right leg is quite noticeable in that context.  I have notice with extra work the muscles can feel heavy. Not the whole leg, just bits. It is weird and I am not sure what is causing it, I figure it is just because I am working some these muscles harder than they have every worked. It is not the most pleasant feeling but I hope it will pass.

The amazing bit was 25m of Butterfly because someone asked if I could do it. And I did. Considering my left shoulder is still unhappy from the crutches I was pretty impressed.

Walking continues to bit of a frustrating situation; I just cannot seem to get it right. My knee feels off and I am really not sure what I am doing wrong. I can make the waddle almost disappear but with HUGE amounts of concentrating.  I am really hoping it becomes natural because at the moment it is hard work but on the other side the waddle is hard work too. Hopefully the physio next week can give me some more help. I am not going to waddle for the rest of my life, this new hip is too nice to be exhausted by waddling.

Walk like a hippie

It is a long weekend in ye olde Britain. On the hip front we have been doing well, Mr Gin has friends in Cheltenham, which is where we spent Saturday in this pleasant town. We walked quite away. My walking is getting better but I don’t have huge amounts of stamina. We figure I walked about 3 km in about 40 minutes. Not all in one go but it didn’t wipe me out completely. (I must learn to not sit for hours as well, I do love good company, they do distract me to a point of forgetting to get up.)

Sunday was another walk Sunday, we walked into our local town centre, roughly 2 km, then a bit of a wander, film and then walking home (via a baby pop up bar for a pint).  Less tiring than Saturday’s walk, which meant heading out to my first gig since the hip operation went well. The good thing about many goth gigs is they are not overly crowded and this one I knew a lot of the people there. Making me comfortable that I wasn't going to get knocked over.

Monday it was a rest day and then a brief walk to the local shops. I did do a lot of physio exercises.
There is going to have to be a lot more walking because that, along with the swimming and the exercises is going to improve my walk. Which is why I am going to try to walk back from the bus station a couple of times a week along with the swimming and bit more effort in the physio exercises.

Hi ho, hi ho, it is off to physio we go.

Today was my second trip to Physio. I have dumped the second crutch after Mr Hutt said that it was could go. He also said if the physio was happy with me not using crutches to go for it!

The Physio was very much willing to let me go. We practised walking with a waddle and stairs. Not that thrilling but for me amazing. I do walk with a waddle but that should disappear soon enough as we get more strength in the legs and bum. Some of my gluteus muscles were cut during the operation and they need to heal as well as get stronger.

Putting on shoes and socks is still a bit over exciting and I have some options but need to stretch some muscles that have not been used much.  I really need to get this sorted quickly, I am bored of my slip on sneakers that have been my only shoes for six months!

She was pleased I was going to going swimming and felt that back stroke and freestyle (front crawl) where going to help a lot. I have some new exercises; mainly bum and strengthening the old muscles up for striding around like a boss.

Other things that have been going on is getting ready to return to work. Long term sick is something I really would not like to repeat because the general mayhem it is causing. My GP is not that helpful with such things like certificates etc. They are so difficult to get on the phone and Mr Gin rang for something else today and he only dialled 37 times and spent ten minutes on hold. That gives you an indication of the interesting aspect of getting hold of them. I rang a number of today and in between trying to sort out some odd jobs, physio and their very long lunch break where they not pick up the phone at all. Very frustrating because lots of people need a particular certificate to get things moving and I have no idea when I can get it!
This includes Access to Work, a government scheme that hopefully will help with taxis for the first couple of months as I heal and work.

This week will be busy but there has to be time for walking, and more walking for a little bit with one crutch on the tube etc but I am thinking of going back to my walking stick for a bit to be able to fold it up and then have it for when I get tired.

So, it is all full ahead for returning to work. As much as I love my job, I wouldn't mind winning the lottery at the point to have a full six months to strengthen me to a new body of awesome.

One crutch, two crutches, one leg, two legs.

I think I am staging a mini rebellion. A week and half a go I went off the physiotherapist at my local hospital.  The physio was nice enough but it became clear that I was the youngest hip replacement patient she had meet by some years.

She said I was to stay on two crutches till the consultant. Considering she was sceptical I was meant to be fully weight bearing on the leg and she struggled with why someone so young would need complex surgery, I decided to ignore her. I took on board the extra exercises and some stretches she gave me. Also the critic of me swinging me right foot out when I walk, I try to remember this but it is a habit of a life time.

The exercises I have been doing are going well, although Mr Gin trying synchronised exercises did mean a massive amount of giggling and general silliness.  The amount of movement I am getting every day is getting better and better.

So, back to the ignoring. I have been using one crutch in the house. This all of a sudden makes being in the house on my own so much easier! Being able to carry a bowl to the table to make my own breakfast is bliss! It makes so many things easier, and far less frustrating. Being able to fetch and carry even with one hand is immensely satisfying. Also it is more tiring because I am putting much less weight through the crutch and making the legs work harder.

If I have something at hand to steady myself, I tend to abandon the crutch, using bench tops and drawers instead.  This has meant I have cooked some full meals and getting dressed in the morning is a bit less hit and miss and giving and just wearing what was on the floor.

The two crutches are being used in the outside world, I am still very afraid of being knocked over and London is a busy town with lots of people who don’t look where they are going. Two crutches does tend highlight I am there. (Also the colourful language.)

I am not abandoning the crutches completely, not until I see Mr Hutt. I have a lot of questions for him, including the time frame for getting rid the blasted crutches. I will be so pleased went I will be walking around on my own two feet.  After that… running… maybe.

And for those counting, we have gone past five weeks since cutty, cutty, slicey slice.