Held together with Zip ties.

I am currently propped in my bed with Wonder Woman playing on the TV. My right leg is sore, painful to the bone but slowly getting there. Would you like to know how I got here? Are you okay with slightly gory post operative pictures? Yes? Read on! No? Close the window and find something else to read!
Last Tuesday I was up before the household, quick shower and final pieces packed and off I went, early enough to catch a night bus to the station. Travelled on the tube with the retail workers and work boots and tool boxes. My mohawk sans produce tucked up in a turban and a totally comfy but weird slogan for the day hoodie and I arrived early to UCLH. (University London College Hospital)

In totally British fashion there was a queue at the door as the department did not open till right on the dot of 7am. Peed in a cup and was told I was the first on the list. Which was a surprise but good. Went thought the standard medical questions and the nurse went off to get my gown and assorted gubbins. She returned with the news there was no bed for me at the moment and I would have to wait. No idea how long that would be and that generally these things resolved themselves. I hoped so, having to rearrange all the arrangements we had made would be a pain. The Anaesthetist arrived and was very pleased that I would rather a spinal over a general anaesthetic.

I sat around for a while, and Mr Gin joined me after dropping Squeaky off at childcare. I met Mr Hutt’s Fellow (possibly Registrar) and we signed forms and again I was told they generally sorted the bed issues out. While we waited in the waiting room Mr Hutt dropped in to say everything was ready to go ahead, all the bits assembled. He thought there was a bed but the surgery wouldn’t happen till the afternoon.

I was taken up around 11:30, dressed in the hospital’s finest gowns. I walked to theatre, this something if found interesting, normally there is a wheel chair or bed involved. I left Mr Gin behind, he wouldn’t be there when I got out as he had to pick up Squeaky.

The spinal went smoothly, both Anaesthetist , Mr John Dick and Chris (missed the last name) were lovely, apparently I sat very still but to be honest I didn’t feel it at all. Good work. Mr Hutt was relived that I had selected to be sedated, personally I didn’t want to be awake, nerves would make me extra chatty.

The operation was a bone graft, a piece of donor bone was to be attached to my femur with wires. The medicine/science is that the donor bone should grow into my bone and make it thicker, hopefully this will take the pressure that I can feel and spread the load. Thus hopefully lessening the pain from the stem tip that is resting against the inside of my femur.

I woke in recovery, a bit fuzzy and sore. Lovely staff, as always, recovery nursing staff tend to be the most attentive, I am assuming that recovery is a place that you have to be on your toes. I call Mr Gin, because they realised there would be no one to meet me and I really wanted to let him know I was okay. I had a lovely chat with a Filipino nurse, we talked about being a long way from home and the British weather. Then I was very proactive and threw up my nice short bread biscuit in a vomit bowl. I was feeling a bit dissociative which was to be expected but this nausea was not something I have had with a spinal. I was given a drug to help and then a swift and slightly painful bed change because my bladder was not really there so to speak and throwing up set it off. My blood pressure was low as was my heart rate, this was little bit weird, it is not a rare side effect of a spinal but the heart rate was causing concern. I needed to drink more water. Another nurse came in, a fellow who obviously spent a lot of time in the gym. We had a conversation about my gym experience as a 40 tiny woman compared to his as a hefty nurse. He felt my lower heart rate may result in being fit. (I am not sure if he was being nice, it is odd being called fit by a medical professional.)

I was taken up to the tenth floor where I was looked after by an amazing Irish nursing assistant called Kathleen, she found my home so I could call Squeaky which made me cry. She decided that a slightly nauseous, weepy, Australian mum needed that phone quickly and located it for me. She also took away the sausages and mash that landed on my table that really didn’t help and found a sandwich. Small things that helped. I rewarded her by throwing up the sandwich but in bowls, sadly still required another bed change. Another anti – nausea drug and pain killers followed. My temperature was low, not sure why, the nurses covered me up in blankets and tried to get me warmed. I was surprisingly in a single room, I was warned I would be moved onto a bay, which was fine, but I was happy to be a in a single room for the first night, feeling as spaced as I was.

A friend, H, who worked locally came over after work and sat with me for a bit. We looked at the amazing view over London but I have very little memory of the conversation because the combination of three anti-nausea meds, painkillers and wearing off sedatives really made life interesting. My blankets began undulate on their on accord, looking like that they were breathing. It wasn’t a pleasant experience but I think H thought it slightly amusing!

She left and I dozed for a bit. The downside to low blood pressure is that nursing staff want you to drink water, that in turn means that you need to pee and then that means bed pans! Ack, and getting onto those bastards is hard with a very stiff and painful leg! I hate, loathe bed pans. End of subject.
In the morning, the Surgical Fellow I met before the surgery arrived, looked at the scar, which is lower than my replacement scar, and felt that as long as the physio team agreed and I got an x-ray and that looked good I could go home that day. That was a little bit of surprise, we were expecting a bit longer and if we could get out in the early afternoon it would be all fine. My temperature was higher but blood pressure a touch low.

The Physio arrived, a lively lady named Stacey, arrived with crutches. I had morphine before she arrived in anticipation of this being tough but I was so ready to walk to the toilet it wasn’t funny. We went through a refresher of crutch using and I gently stood up. I then swore, a lot, it fucking hurt but manageable. Mr Hutt had told me that it was likely to be more painful than replacement, he wasn’t wrong. So, up I got, I was going to pee. I turned and my ears began to ring, my head felt tight and I felt really hot. I realised that I was going to faint. I told Stacey that I had to sit down, rapidly and she told me to lie down. She then harassed the bed to get my head lower than my feet. She was quite concerned and checked my blood pressure, which was low, not very low but a bit of concern and my colour was extremely pale. More goth than goth.  The Physio decided that I wasn’t going to be discharged the day with low enough blood pressure.  It took a while for my colour to return.

Stacey decided she would come back in the after lunch to see how I was going and do walking and stairs then. Annoyingly I was to stay in bed until she came back and that meant bed pans.

Mr Gin visited with snacks and I perfected some origami as we waited for the x-ray and physio. The Pharmacist dropped by and discussed drugs, including one that I had not tried before.
Dihydrocodeine, first test to see if it made me throw up and if it works.  During the day I ended up doubling it up with morphine as the pain was pretty full on. In an attempt to feel more human I changed into a nightie of my own which helped.

Stacey the Physio returned and I was fine with the crutches, although the leg was sore, I was happy to give it a go. We did not do the stairs as there was no wheelchair but I wasn’t going home anyway because the x-ray had not happened. But I did not have to use a bed pan so I did not care!
So, Mr Gin went off to pick up Squeaky and H dropped in before she went off a meeting. I was nice to have her company, we admired the view again and I wandered around a bit on my crutches. She headed off on to her meeting and I settled in for the night after saying good night to Squeaky. By 9:30 I was struggling to remain awake so I went to sleep.

The morning was an early start with the Physio turning up before the joy of the pain med cart. I walked on my crutches to the stairs, the leg was very sore but I was going to do this, I miss Squeaky and my bed. (I missed Mr Gin too, but I was seeing him.) There was two Physios and we went up and down a flight of stairs. Oh boy, it hurt, my leg is so stiff, the femur hurt a lot and the incision was tight. I did it though. I got back to my room and Stacey was a gem and located a some morphine, I was very pleased to see it. It takes a fair bit to put me in tears but there was I lying on the bed sobbing but after a while it settled.

Stacey was happy to discharge me, now it was only an x-ray and we were golden but considering they had ordered it yesterday, I was a little worried. I had a pain free nap and an entertaining time doing origami feeling floaty.

The x-ray happened and I got to see the hardware, I have five metal zip ties attaching someone else’s bone to my femur. No wonder it hurt! The x-ray technician thought I was brave, which not what I would call it.  There was a dressing change and the unveiling of the incision, it joins my replacement scar which means it that is one very long scar! The nurse said it was very neat.

The time was slipping away and Mr Gin had to go and pick up Squeaky. Thankfully the lovely R was pleased to duck out of work and wait with me while I butted my head against the wall of hospital policy about not prescribing oramorph. I was not happy with the pain management of the codeine, ibuprofen and paracetamol combo. It removed some of the pain but I wasn’t overly comfortable. The doctors suggested that I stay another night but I wanted to come home and hug Squeaky.
In the end I left with R and we had a bit of a tough time getting a cab due to being officially discharged at 5 pm. Getting discharged from hospital is unbelievably complicated and time consuming.

Home was lovely, Squeaky was lovely and it was good to see Mr Gin and eat real food. All in all it was a very different experience to Epsom and I felt it was odd that I only saw Mr Hutt once.

Cast free, Bracing for walking.

It has been a while since I have posted, family and work life has been stressful but not for hip reasons.

Squeaky is doing really well. The cast came off over four months ago. It was a day that proved to be tough but wonderful. He was very mobile in the cast and had got crawling in it down to a fine art.

We arrived to the clinic and of course there was the x-ray. Then into see Ms Bijlsma. She was very pleased with the position of the hip but the socket is still a little shallow. This meant while we were there Derek the Plaster Technician would be fitting Squeaky for an Abduction Brace to be worn at night (and naps but we agreed that the poor childminders could have a break) for three months.

Ms Bijlsma

Ms Bijlsma added her note to his cast and we went to get the cast off. We had headphones and a phone loaded with “Hey Duggee” music clips and two parents trying to make it as easy as possible. It was not as bad as previous times as the novelty of the having the phone given to him was a difficult thing to ignore. He was still very upset but that first cast free cuddle was wonderful, the weight difference was astounding.


Derek told us that Squeaky would be stiff and his skin would require extra attention for a while. His skin was discoloured and flaky, the likes from the plaster liner clear on his skin. He also was very smelly. As was the cast, which we took home!

Skin after the cast came off.

That evening after a long warm bath with his Dad, Squeaky tried crawling, such a little champion and determined.

We will not miss the plaster; it was the hardest part of this process so far, hard physically and mentally. Best core exercise I have ever done but draining. He has a longish scar to show for it and hopefully that is all!

We began bracing straight away, we have had a couple of nights where he got uncomfortable or it was way too hot to contemplate the long PG trousers
Over the next few days he started to commando crawl and gaining strength to crawl “properly”.
Over the past months he has moved from crawling to standing to confident cruising to toddling with something to push.
 At three months after the cast we had another check up with x-rays. The angles are slowly getting better but Ms Bijlsma wants him in the brace for another three months. She also felt that shoes would be a good idea to help with walking. He is 18 months old now, a little behind his peers but we are not concerned with that, he has moved from complete relearning crawling to cruising in three months.


Walking will put pressure in the hip too and help with the angles and forming the ball of his hip.
We are not out of the woods yet but we are getting there, next solid walking in his new shoes and running for the edge of the woods.

Working hard, small improvements.

Trigger warning : I am going to talk about weight loss and assorted stuff.

First, feet. I am still having trouble with heel pain. I can have days were it is fine but other days it is a burning mess. I went to see a GP about them. She agreed I was approaching it well, all the right exercises, including the ones adjusted by the physiotherapist for my whacky hypermobile joints. So she referred me for steroid injections, into the soles of my feet. Which filled me with dread but frankly the cycle of inflammation needs to be broken. I am doing the best things possible with it all, stretches, massage and trying to stay off my feet. But some days even standing to cook dinner is too much.

Next, thigh pain, still there, unfortunately. I'm not game to run it still. I miss buses because of this. The cold does upset it, making itself known when walking in the chill the most. On a positive note, when coming up from bending down and going up stairs, it seems to have lessened. This seems to be down to some muscle building that I have been doing. I have been working very hard at this.

I have signed up with a weight lose program at work. It is eight weeks of Personal Training sessions and looking at my eating habits. The Occupational Health Doctor at work suggested it and I took her up on it. I am honest, I am overweight, I know this. I am not that happy with my body shape but I love food and I love to cook. I eat and drink too much. I have been making small changes because I felt a major immediate change was not going to last. I cut our diet coke in December, I started cutting out my snacks chips/crisps and chocolate in January, and in February I started going to gym three times per week. It seems to be working, I have dropped five kilograms in weight, through exercise and calorie counting. The goal is 20 kg by the end of the year, about 25% of my body weight. I am hoping that this will help with the thigh pain and avoid surgery. It also should help with the long term health of the joint, both metal and bone but I do find it tough that I am going to have to this regime for the rest of my life. I really hate the fact I am so short and the rest of the world seems to be aiming to feed people 8 inches taller than ma all the time. 

There has been a very happy change with my walk too, I went back to physio, they helped a lot, noting I was dropping into the joint instead of using my glute and thigh muscles. This has meant that I was still limping, and I was not happy with that, especially when I found out that both my legs are the same length. The Personal training combined with the physio has almost removed the limp and has definitely removed the rolling gait I had.  The muscles are building up and although my right leg muscles are still weaker than the left but I working very hard at making them even strength. The more I work at this the better the walk should get, removing the 40 years of walking badly. 

So,  there has been a lot of change happening in the past couple of months and I have found it it difficult mentally. My mental health has been very up and down, work has made it tough to with various uber stressful things that could have been avoided. I have found the program beneficial and have decided that I will do another in the summer to keep the body trimming down. The worst bit about this is I am going to have to buy new jeans, urgh I hate shopping for jeans.

Testing of the Bionics.

Seven months have passed and generally things are the same.

I am not sure if the implant pain is lessening or I am getting used to it. It is a bit ouchy today, with the pain seemly traveling down to my knee. But this could be because for the long weekend I spent in a hotel with over 800 people at a Convention for the Discworld series of books by Terry Pratchett. There was a fair amount of walking, standing around, sitting in uncomfortable chairs and drinking. In between there were interesting talks and what not.

The last time I was at one of these was four years ago. I had a blue dot on my name card, an indication that I could queue jump and not have to stand to queue. I was grudging about taking one but in the end it was very needful. I was on a stick intermittently and found the standing in queues exhausting. By the time I finished the four days of Con I was tired and broken.

This time I went without my blue dot, I knew they were there but honestly didn’t think that I needed one.  I did have my sensible hat on and was ready to get a blue dot if needed. I figured the first day would be a good test. It is almost a half day and would give me an idea how much effort and energy I would need. The venue was compact with some stairs but there was also a lift if I needed it. The first day was not too bad at all. There were places to sit and the general feeling was grand. The queues were long and friendly.  (In the end I didn’t really queue because the front chairs of the big venue were uncomfortable and frankly the view was pretty rubbish in most places.) I was pretty much sold that I could handle the experience as a normal person.

It was a really good test for the leg because I tend to love these events and drink too much and tire myself out a lot. I think over the three evening I managed about 10 to 12 hours sleep. I jammed in as many talks as I could and lined up on tarmac for long periods and trundled my camera bag (which is not light) around with me. I even walked 40 minutes to the venue one day!

All in all it was good, I felt I was tired because I was burning the candle at both ends and not because I was being slowed down by the leg. This is all very good.

I think the next step now I pretty much back to post op six years ago is to try and drop some weight and get a bit more fit. Then I think tackle my walk, that is going to take some emotional space and I have a trip home lined up which is approaching, which as always stressful. These trips are generally not really a holiday and not matter how often I say I am not going run all over the shop I end up doing that anyway!  

Six months, really, yes really!

The Big Six month update.

It has been quiet on the blog because there is not all that much to report. Not much has changed but I have had the six months check up with Mr Hutt so an update feels to be in order. It is not an overly cheerful update because I am still frustrated but will try for an upbeat mode.

So, sports massage, brilliant idea, has sorted out my back. Fabulous! I have found a good masseur through work, she is close and reasonably priced. My rock hard calves have settled down which is brilliant. I suspect this is no longer a luxury but a necessary to help my body along as I try to sort this walk. Loosening muscles seems to help a fair bit and maybe it will help with the thigh pain I have having.

Thigh pain. A frustrating new thing along with a knee that is a bit sore and audible in its crunching! The thigh pain is from tip of the implant in my thigh bone, it is deep and ranges from nothing, a bit achy to quite sore. I rarely take pain killers for it but it is not something I want to live with. Mr Hutt has explained some of the issue comes from me being a dainty wee thing, well, short (153cm) and the stem being reasonably long. It tends to get sore when I put pressure on it from exercises etc. It is deep, under muscle pain. It was intermittent when I first got the hip done then disappeared and then came back in June and has not disappeared. Yet. There is hope as it all beds in that the pain will disappear and things will be peachy. The pain is such that I am bit wary of trying to run, even for a bus because I think that will be a nasty sharp pain. Mr Hutt, thinks in 12 month we will know if it is going to be an ongoing issue.

Sadly, if it does not go in that time, the only option maybe a revision and new hip. I want to avoid that. So much. So much. So at the moment lots research happening and exercising to gentle persuade the tip to bed in and the bone to become less sensitive! I just hope it is all worth it.

The knee could be muscles pulling on the knee cap which I will get my masseur to look at that and if that does not help, off to the GP! Frankly dodgy left knee is in the bad books because I would like the body to give me a break for a while.

Needless to say all the above it a bit tough to deal with and digest but recently finding someone with similar issues with the same implant and put in by the same surgeon has helped a lot.

Exercise. I hate the gym. But I am doing static biking, leg weight machine things and cross trainer. Not too much swimming lately but I am doing a fair amount of that, not quite cracked the 1 km in 30 minutes mark but hoping to soon. At some point there will be leg presses and rowing soon, if I can work out how to use the rowing machine!

The bloody walk. I have new sneakers but they are being rapidly destroyed by my twisty left foot. I am still hip hiking and a little bit of the waddle, a throw back from the old walk and also a bit with the thigh pain. Mr Hutt felt that perfection will not happen on its own and there are some terrible habits of a lifetime break. The skeletal foundation is the best we can hope for, we think the hip has settled about 1mm down which is not much but could have been the angle of the x-ray or a result of normal settling or a major collision I had with the floor 3 months ago. He is very pleased (as am I) with the movement I have. I can sit cross legged like a primary school child, this is something I have NEVER been able to do even as a child. The range of movement is very good and smooth. The muscles are building nicely but could do with some more building.  So, this means some more gym work and locating a physiotherapist to help with the walking. There is more in this than weak muscles, there are old habits and I do not really know what a proper walk feels like.  I think this is clincher, the past physio expected I would know what a normal walk would feel like. I really don’t I have never walked like a normal person, my gait has been awkward since I learned to walk on a dislocated hip as a two year old!

I am walking fair distances and with speed, I can keep up with Mr Gin pretty well and now there is no longer any forward planning for going out, I walk my local high street easily and climb two to three stories of stairs, although a bit puffy, quite well. My overall fitness and weight leave a bit to be desired but that is the story of my life and not really to do with the new hip. I could do with losing a good 30 kilograms and that might help with the overall fitness. Sadly, I find gym boring and rather like food and booze, so this is always going to be a struggle.  I have been walking more because of all things, Pokemon Go, it drives Mr Gin bonkers but gets me out and about. I am trying to catch buses that require more walking and generally not take the lazy way out. I have to try and cut down on the red wine.

Work is a stressful which makes cutting the wine down hard. We have a trip to Australia booked, I am sure that I will set some sensors off! I have also got it my mind this new hip is going to do some driving, a lot of it. I am looking forward to a holiday.

There is not much else to report besides a little six month celebration but that will get its own post!

Discharged from Physio. 4 months gone!

Physio is over.  I had my final session with the Whipps Cross team.

The Physio is happy with how things are going. There is still a long way to go in building up the muscles in the operated leg but oddly one set were stronger than the good leg.

I am in two minds about being discharged. I am not happy with my walk at all. I am over extending my knees because my body thinks this the most stable position which is not what normal people do. Hypermobility is proving, once again a challenge. My joints really don’t behave in a normal fashion and what feels right is not necessarily the best for the joint. My knees are not happy with the over extending but it difficult to stop. I need more strength in both legs and my balance needs improving to push the knees into a less stressful position. I know what to do but really not sure how to get there.  I am trying to concentrate on not over flexing my knees.  My back is feeling this quite a bit as my gait moves between limp, over flexing and looking like I’m drunk, lots of the muscles I am either not used to using or changing the old movement. It has been painful but I am not going to stop. I am trying to do planks to get my core strong but of course I cannot feel when I am wonky!

I am going to get there and if I don’t see an improvement in the walk in the next couple of months I will be seeing a private physio because I am not going give in. Also some new sneakers because the ones I have are all wonky from my old walk.

The Whipps Cross physio said that I may have to settle for a strange gait. I am not sure I want to settle. My legs are the same length, I have more movement than I have ever had and Mr Hutt has given me a hip that is much more natural than the one I had. I don’t think I’m asking too much to want a walk that is close to normal.

I will be trying to do the five exercises I have been given, a lot of walking, some swimming and a bit of bike riding. I may even try to lose some weight!

I have just passed the four month mark and I have celebrated this by having a really normal night! I went to a friend’s birthday party all dressed up including my heavy black heeled New Rock boots. I have not worn them since last October, with a lot of tramadol. Saturday night was great fun, I was dressed up, there were lots people I knew and new people to meet as well drinking and… wait for it… dancing! Yes, dancing.  A friend’s band played at the party and I got up and had a boogie. I had been sensible and pulled up a barstool so I was sitting and able to see. I got up, had a boogie and even a bit of a bounce. I can jump, in New Rocks!
This was a surprise to me and my friends very welcome surprise, it is a big step towards normal. I figured I would pay the next day but no, I had the normal slightly bruised feeling in my toes. This was the biggest surprise. For this me this means I starting to move away from ‘safe’ shoes and into outfits I have missed!

Just keep swimming

Swimming, swimming, I have got back into the water about three weeks ago. The first swim it took me 20 minutes to do 400 metres.  Not bad but not brilliant. The most I have managed is 800 in 30 minutes but that wiped me out and I didn’t go the second time in the week. This week I have done 700 m and 650 m, not too bad.

I am slowly now working my way up to 1000m in 30 minutes, twice a week. Doing some kick board work as well. I am finding that the most interesting because the lack of power in my right leg is quite noticeable in that context.  I have notice with extra work the muscles can feel heavy. Not the whole leg, just bits. It is weird and I am not sure what is causing it, I figure it is just because I am working some these muscles harder than they have every worked. It is not the most pleasant feeling but I hope it will pass.

The amazing bit was 25m of Butterfly because someone asked if I could do it. And I did. Considering my left shoulder is still unhappy from the crutches I was pretty impressed.

Walking continues to bit of a frustrating situation; I just cannot seem to get it right. My knee feels off and I am really not sure what I am doing wrong. I can make the waddle almost disappear but with HUGE amounts of concentrating.  I am really hoping it becomes natural because at the moment it is hard work but on the other side the waddle is hard work too. Hopefully the physio next week can give me some more help. I am not going to waddle for the rest of my life, this new hip is too nice to be exhausted by waddling.

Walk like a hippie

It is a long weekend in ye olde Britain. On the hip front we have been doing well, Mr Gin has friends in Cheltenham, which is where we spent Saturday in this pleasant town. We walked quite away. My walking is getting better but I don’t have huge amounts of stamina. We figure I walked about 3 km in about 40 minutes. Not all in one go but it didn’t wipe me out completely. (I must learn to not sit for hours as well, I do love good company, they do distract me to a point of forgetting to get up.)

Sunday was another walk Sunday, we walked into our local town centre, roughly 2 km, then a bit of a wander, film and then walking home (via a baby pop up bar for a pint).  Less tiring than Saturday’s walk, which meant heading out to my first gig since the hip operation went well. The good thing about many goth gigs is they are not overly crowded and this one I knew a lot of the people there. Making me comfortable that I wasn't going to get knocked over.

Monday it was a rest day and then a brief walk to the local shops. I did do a lot of physio exercises.
There is going to have to be a lot more walking because that, along with the swimming and the exercises is going to improve my walk. Which is why I am going to try to walk back from the bus station a couple of times a week along with the swimming and bit more effort in the physio exercises.

Three months and I got in trouble

I have hit the three month mark, the sweet spot where a lot of the serious healing is apparently done.  I pleased with this, life is slowly approaching normal.

I did get in trouble though, at the 12 week mark.  My physio told me right off. I have really struggled to do my exercises now I am back at work. Work is still hard going, even though I sit in a chair all day I am exhausted. I come home and do all the things, cooking and generally home things. All I want to do is collapse on the couch!

I did get in the swimming pool and that went well, I started with 400m and that actually felt great.  Hard work but I am not as unfit as I thought I was. The extra movement from the joint is amazing in the pool.

The physio did also help with the walk, my core muscles are weak and I need to tighten them when walking. Also be more defined with my heel to toe walking, I have so very bad habits from when I limped. I am hoping all this will become second nature and the waddle not return when tired or not concentrating.
I just need to get over this tiredness and do my exercises.

Positive post, moving forward.

So, after the previous post it is time to do a post full of joy!

So in the past month there has been some very steady progress. I am going to compile them in sort form. They may not mean much to you but for me, they are big deals.

I attended a wedding armed with a crutch and wearing high heels and corset. I ditched the crutch early on and stood, walked and chatted most of the night in said heels and corset. I reverted to the backup sneakers late in the evening and had, in general a wonderful time.

I have pretty much eliminated all pain killers. I am no longer taking any drugs besides the odd paracetamol.

I went to Hastings with Mr Gin and another mate, we walked all over, including up the steep hill to the castle. (It takes a lot to stop me checking out a castle.) Mr Gin estimated we walked 6 to 7 kilometres. We don’t think I've walked that far in a day for a good nine months.

I can easily walk to the long bus stop and have walked to one of our train stations, regular like.

I have stood on a bus, for a couple of stops.

I have pretty much abandoned walking aids of any sort. I do carry a stick for when I get tired, but that is a last resort type of thing.

I can get down on one knee in order to do my shoes up, it is still awkward and quite stiff but I am getting there.

Stairs are slowly getting there, the ones at home are proving a challenge as they are deep and bit steep. I am still struggling with the corner.

I got up and down some portable steps to paint a door, it was not a difficult thing. It was soothing to be able to something so practical.

I’ve started sewing seriously again.

I vacuumed.

I had a bath, getting in was a challenge and getting out was a touch entertaining, having to turn over get up from kneeling position.

The waddle is slowly lessening. It gets spectacular when tired but hopefully another month and it will be gone!

I am slowly extending the time I can sit in an office chair.

I smile a lot more, a lot more. I knew I was sad and struggling with depression but not quite how much.

I still am getting implant pain but that seems to be lessening.

So all in all, not bad at all.

Proving how awesome I feel! METAL

Working for the man

I’ve been a bit quiet of recent times.
The few weeks or so has been a little more stressful than I would have liked. The main reason for this is work. I have thought long and hard about blogging about this stress because I know there are some people from work who read this. On the whole work have been really helpful, especially Occupational Health and Human Resources. Answering questions and helping with making sure I was coping.
And to honest, mentally, the whole situation has been challenging and returning to work was not something I was looking forward to. The final month or so at work was physically difficult due to pain management and astoundingly stressful. The commute was difficult and painful, my independence was eroding away and I was scheduling my out of work life so I could manage work. Even at work I wasn’t pulling my weight, pain made if difficult to think on a good day and on a bad day it was nigh on impossible.
So, going back wasn’t something I was looking forward to. Occupational Health put me in touch with a scheme called Access to Work. A governmental grant. I had contacted them early in the piece but into the lead up to the operation had lost touch with them. (A lot of things slid then.)  I realised I had not heard from them when getting organised to return to work. I called and the case manager had left and I had to start all over again. Cue crying.
Not great but they seemed pretty helpful although a little astounded that I did not have a car and did not want to drive to work.  I pointed out in the end that this was not unusual for London at all. The ball was rolling there and I was getting all the documents that work required. They wanted a fitness to work certificate before anything else happened which was a little fiddly to obtain as they are not something that is done by my GP surgery.
I was quite worried at this point I wouldn’t get paid if there were gaps between my sick leave and returning to work.  I said this and work agreed that wouldn’t happen. I had been in physically to work and a time to start the next Monday was agreed but I was a little concerned that the paper work for occ health had not gone in as promised but figured it would be all okay.
The following day I got an email that I was having my occ health appointment on the 21st, a week after I started back. I thought that was odd but figured if there was any change to the start date I would be told. I had been told over the phone that Access to Work funding would be in place for the 14th and all information would be emailed out. Before I started.
Friday afternoon I have not heard from Access to Work, I called only to find the case worker stopped work at 2:30pm.  This was suboptimal so I braced myself for the tube journey because I had not heard anything from work.
Monday morning I headed off and arrived at work feeling quite sore and tired but okay. The tube was stressful on my own and I felt pretty vulnerable. Mr Hutt’s words about falls and fractures were ringing in my ears as I navigated my way through the heaving mass of humanity that is London underground.
I got into work and my boss asked me why I was there. And I said that we had agreed to this start date. It transpired that that work wanted me to work from home and had emailed me on my work email. The one I wasn’t checking. I could have cried at that moment. The bonkers bit was that I could not have worked from home because there was someone in my desk. We log into our work PCs from home for remote access. The thought of having to turn around and head back on the tube pretty much blew all the mental effort I had pulled together to cope out of the water. What cope I had, run out.  I just wish my boss had called me when I had not responded to the email.
So home I went and tried to get my head in the right place to start work on the Tuesday, via remote access. I felt pretty out of sorts. My job although, not overly complicated has a lot knowledge to retain and remember, being off work for 8/9 weeks meant I felt I could remember very little. I felt isolated as I sat at home and tried to get my leg to be happy with sitting at desk. Even though I had being playing a lot of Minecraft, I would play a little bit then get up and do something else. Work I could not do it. 45 minutes sitting still was painful.
I also was fighting a cold that would not go and that with working from home, it was a week of fighting my body and dodgy brain chemistry. Not a good start at all.
I went back into work the following week, using the cab service.  Going through London traffic is not very stress free. There were some entertaining times and routes but at least I was not having to worry about being jostled and knocked.  The Occupational Health doctor was lovely and impressed with my new posture and the lack of walking stick. We started on a phased return which is shortened hours and slowly moving up to full time hours. Thankfully we had a shortened week so that my leg could get used to the sitting. There was a lot of implant pain but as time went on it did settle.
Being the office helped mentally as well, much more able to focus and felt a lot less out of my depth. We have some interesting times as I don’t think I could manage the three flights of stairs for fire evacuation but it looks like I will be sheltering in stairwells unless there is a serious risk.
All in all it was an sub par return to work but somethings could have been handled better because my stress levels really didn’t need that spike.  Oh well, onwards and upwards, let’s hope my first full week goes well.

Hi ho, hi ho, it is off to physio we go.

Today was my second trip to Physio. I have dumped the second crutch after Mr Hutt said that it was could go. He also said if the physio was happy with me not using crutches to go for it!

The Physio was very much willing to let me go. We practised walking with a waddle and stairs. Not that thrilling but for me amazing. I do walk with a waddle but that should disappear soon enough as we get more strength in the legs and bum. Some of my gluteus muscles were cut during the operation and they need to heal as well as get stronger.

Putting on shoes and socks is still a bit over exciting and I have some options but need to stretch some muscles that have not been used much.  I really need to get this sorted quickly, I am bored of my slip on sneakers that have been my only shoes for six months!

She was pleased I was going to going swimming and felt that back stroke and freestyle (front crawl) where going to help a lot. I have some new exercises; mainly bum and strengthening the old muscles up for striding around like a boss.

Other things that have been going on is getting ready to return to work. Long term sick is something I really would not like to repeat because the general mayhem it is causing. My GP is not that helpful with such things like certificates etc. They are so difficult to get on the phone and Mr Gin rang for something else today and he only dialled 37 times and spent ten minutes on hold. That gives you an indication of the interesting aspect of getting hold of them. I rang a number of today and in between trying to sort out some odd jobs, physio and their very long lunch break where they not pick up the phone at all. Very frustrating because lots of people need a particular certificate to get things moving and I have no idea when I can get it!
This includes Access to Work, a government scheme that hopefully will help with taxis for the first couple of months as I heal and work.

This week will be busy but there has to be time for walking, and more walking for a little bit with one crutch on the tube etc but I am thinking of going back to my walking stick for a bit to be able to fold it up and then have it for when I get tired.

So, it is all full ahead for returning to work. As much as I love my job, I wouldn't mind winning the lottery at the point to have a full six months to strengthen me to a new body of awesome.

Six weeks!

Six weeks this time I was sitting up in a hospital bed with Mr Gin and Mum chatting away. I had a very numb, wooden leg and the bruises had started to rise.
Six weeks is the sweet spot with hip replacements. You get rid of TEDs, you can drive, some can go back to work, you can road test it in intimate moments and you have a check up with your surgeon. A lot of the dangers have gone, dislocation, although still a risk for a month or so longer is less. You can start to experiment with going over 90 degrees and generally try and get your new life going.
It has been an interesting time, it has been eye opening how amazing my body is and how crap my brain chemistry is.
I have more movement and mobility than ever. I have even legs which means when sorted I should not have a limp. I have never walked without one, it has been always there, from a small one right through to a full hip hiking ship rolling pirate walk. My muscles stop me before the joint, again a new experience.
My brain has suffered a bit. There have been some very flat days. Sitting and crying because bed to drawers was hard work. Struggling to see the point of getting out of bed. Losing days to Minecraft because then l don't have think about much more than killing zombies and long straight tunnels hunting for diamonds. And then amazing highs, feeling like I could take on the world and then taking a step and everything goes ouch. At least I knew how screwed my brain was going to be. I knew I could be crying over silly things and struggling with feeling useless.
My rock, Mr Gin, has been amazing, through thick and thin. Being caring and carrying most of the house hold duties. And just his presence pretty much limited my mood.
It certainly feels a lot longer than six weeks, the improvements so swift. I'm able to shower myself, almost get socks on like a normal person, walk with one crutch, waddle without any and be pretty much pain free. Still taking naproxen but don't miss the grinding and gripping pain of bone on bone.
All it has been an amazing ride and it can only get better.
Tonight, I will have some drinks with good mates and celebrate this exciting new chapter.

Six Week check - Mr Hutt

So, today was my six week check up.

I trundled my way out to the far reaches of Wimbledon. Went through the now standard excitement of X-Ray (Yay for yoga pants) and then without much waiting it was off to see Mr Hutt.

Mr Hutt 

He was very pleased with the scar, even though I have had an awful outbreak of eczema around the scar. That should be solved with large amount moisturiser.

The implant is a titanium and ceramic S-ROM implant with a Pinnacle cuff. It is attached using ‘Press Fit’, which means they are both uncemented and the bone should grow to attach them firmly.  It has a long stem and the reason for some of the thigh pain I have. Hopefully this will disappear but this could stick around. It also is closer to a normal hip on its angles so I have a different range of movement. Not a huge different but it does explain why my turn in is not as awesome as it used to be. The small fracture I got in surgery was because I have round shaped femur and not elliptical like most people. The stem is shaped for normal people and was a very tight fit.

Mr Hutt was awesome and answered the three pages of questions I had. Very matter of fact. Very little sugar coating. The left hip looks good but not great and I should be aware that it could go but he said that is a while away yet.

He was impressed by the knee bruise, he felt it was referred bleeding from the operation.It was not something he had seen before. He said that knee had been twisted but not to the bruising extent.

He also said that I can ski and ice skate but to be aware that if I do take a tumble and fracture the right femur it is more likely to be a nasty fracture.  So I shall think about those. Cycling and swimming are for the win the win. This bit is for Red, Mr Hutt was slightly horrified at the thought of Skydiving and that the release of the shute could cause some issues. He did not say no but did look little bemused by the suggestion. He did say that marathons were totally off the table.

So, onto slightly more practical matters. I am able to get rid of the second crutch and when the Physios are happy with the walk, getting rid of the second crutch soon. Also, I can gently attempt to go for putting on socks and tying up laces. If my muscles allow it I should also be able to squat and to sit cross legged.  If I manage to sit cross legged, this will be something I have never done! Never!

There is very little I should not be doing. Most of the danger zone for dislocation is over, and I have to be aware of some twisting but generally it all good. I doubt Prima Ballerina is going happen but I think that there will be a new me.

So, this is a large thank you to Mr Jonathan Hutt for undertaking the job.  At six week I am more than happy with the outcome and the care both he and the EOC showed. Mr Hutt said that we really should know in 12 months how well it has gone.  Hopefully the year mark will be a show case for exciting new movement and life.

Being cautious.

Today was a bit of a bust.

As I mentioned yesterday I slipped a bit heading into my WI meeting, and as the crutch went in a direction that I didn't I tried putting the foot of my operated leg through a flag stone. Twice.
It was pretty sore by the time I got home and yesterday the bone felt tender. A very different pain to anything that I have had besides when the joint was sore, pre-op style. Morphine help sleeping but last night it was very ouchy.

This morning I called the OEC and they felt that it should be looked at and there was a suggestion to head to St Georges A&E department but to be honest the cab fare would have been very expensive and tube would have been difficult. I figured if I went to my local hospital, Whipps Cross, if it looked bad I could go to St Georges.

Off to X-ray

So, off I went. I bought a sandwich and drink with me, knowing it was going to be a long wait.
All in all it was not too bad. The A&E is tucked away but it is a new building and the staff on point.
A number of x-rays were ordered (and everyone being surprised with my wonderful yoga pants with no metal bits) and then the nurse practitioner and the consultant had a look at the films. They felt there was no evidence of movement of the implant and there was no evidence of breakage or cracking of the bone. They have sent the images to St Georges to have a look at on Monday, just in case. The consultant was good, and said that he understood why I was being so cautious, so that is good.

So about four to five hours in A&E and me being very cautious, it seems it is okay and the pain is just from jarring the bugger.

Tonight I am going to romantic movie with Mr Gin. Deadpool.

Sometimes, you just need your mum.

It is hard to believe that I have had a new hip for four whole weeks.

Today has a bit lonely and tough, my Mum went back to Australia on Tuesday.

We had a lovely morning Tuesday, getting up ridiculously early so she could take photos out the front of our house of Mr Gin and me. After she finished packing we went off to have lunch, trying to locate Eggs Benedict in our part of East London. This was successful and we had a little wander around a market and then home to get organised to put her in a taxi.

Mum submits to a selfie with a crazy tiger hat lady

Once she left the house felt immediately empty. When my Mum offered to come over, Mr Gin and I discussed it and said if she wanted to she was more than welcome. I think that was one of best decisions we made during this process.

I am close to my mother, and as I have lived in the UK for over a decade we don’t see each other often. We do speak at least once a week and generally email and what’s app a fair bit. She was driving force during all of my surgeries as a child and was there for other medical bits in my 20s. Her statement was “I was there for the others, I can be there for this one.”

Her support was invaluable, neither Mr Gin nor I have family near by, we have a great circle of friends but having Mum around was something different. She helped around the house, putting on TEDs, dishwasher duty, letting the cats in and out, nagging me to my exercises, suggesting walks and on the bad days, letting me sleep and then finding something for me to do to break the black dog creeping. She helped me finish the quilt and helped plan out a new one.  She also did a bit of cooking, pulling out old family favourites, considering she does not cook often (my Dad cooks most of the time). She bought over Australian snacks, my favourite chicken Twisities and Tim Tam biscuits as well as ingredients for a 1970s classic, Apricot Chicken.  All this help was a god send for Mr Gin, removing some of the jobs that needed doing as I recovered to a point of being able to help as well. Mr Gin has been working full time through a lot of this caper and picking up the slack of my role in our little household.

The most important bit was her company, we chatted about many things, the past, the future and cats. There was a lot of giggling. It is something we have done for a long time. Odd things set us off, generally her telling me that my father would not approve of something. One of the funniest moments was icing tarts and there was chocolate icing all over the place and Mum doing impressions of Dad.  We have not sat around chatting for a long time, I was very grateful for the time. When in London in the past, her and Dad, have been tourists and this time it was more like when I visited home when living in Melbourne.

I am now pottering around the house on my own, which is fine but I would not have been able to this in first couple of weeks.  Melbourne to London to look after a family member is rather a wonderful thing, and we were lucky that Mum was able to do it. She did say it was better to come than being in Australia worrying.
She is back home with Dad and I miss her, I am happy enough pottering around by myself and leaving things for Mr Gin but that cats are not quite as good at conversation as Mum.

The other part that is tough is that last night I went out to my Women’s Institute meeting which was great fun but going into the meeting my crutch slipped, causing me to stamp down on my operated leg. It feels like the femur has been jarred slightly. Morphine was back on the night time routine, disappointingly. Thankfully it is not as bad as it could be as the amazing R drove me home after the meeting, I had got there by the tube but that is another story!

Quilting for the win.

Mum trims the binding.

Three weeks! 

Crunchy hip was evicted with extreme prejudice by a fellow named Hutt! There is a movie in there, I am sure.

I have a couple of in depth posts in my head and have started some. So, looking forward there will be a post about the actual exercises I do,  medication adventures, packing your bag for a hip replacement , hacks for stopping your crutches falling over and hopefully a video on putting on TEDs!  

The reason for lack of real post today is my mother and I have been doing some sewing and have almost completed a patchwork quilt. When she offered to come over to help out for a month, Mum asked if there was a project I would like to do. I wanted to finish a quilt that I started three years ago. It has been waiting for this time it feels. It was pieced together, I had wadding and backing but do to not being confident, I was yet to assemble it.

Once I was feeling better and bit more mobile, Mum got us moving and taught me to put it together and then we quilted it and today the binding went on. I am very proud of it. 

The big bonus is that if I am sewing, I have to move around. Using the machine is not too bad but have to be careful with the angle I use the pedal. My mother is a master quilter and she was more than happy to help and get me moving to finish it. It is a bit of rough and ready, not really straight but prefect for a snuggle quilt and being dark, if there is a red wine spill, it will be okay.

Two!

It is a two day.

Two weeks since the operation and this means that the dressing came off! Well, Mr Gin gingerly peeled the amazing water proof dressing to reveal… Do you really want to know?  Skip the next paragraph if you don’t want to.

… A surprisingly clean cut. The old scar is gone, and the cut is not the same as I have seen on line, not a clean curve. A bit more angular and not as far into my bum muscles as I thought. It looks clean, a bit scabby and a couple of points I suspect will keloid later as well as the ball point marks left by the surgeon.

Bed Board from Amazon plus my hand for a bonus!

The other two, is the second shower in my own bathroom. I bought a bath board and we use it make transfer into our shower over the bath easy. I cannot lift my leg over the bath edge. Mr Gin, again a hero and helps get my leg into the bath and makes sure that I'm safe and not going to attempt my own stunts.

A shower is a wonderful thing, I have been ‘bird bathing’ for a week and a half and not really felt that clean. Washing my hair! Dandruff be gone!  Even though I can’t shower on my own, mainly this is all of us being careful and it has to be at night, I don’t care! Shower!

My Mum has also passed the two week mark of her stay, I will be forever grateful for her coming over!

7:15pm Stab my girlfriend

Epidural Bruise

Deep vein thrombus. Not just preserve of long haul flights.

It is also a big risk with major surgery, the surgery itself can produce clots and the blood gets sticky. Avoiding blood clots was one of the reasoning behind the epidural, apparently they cause less clots than general anaesthetic. 

 So, it is something that nursing staff drum into you. Drink a lot, keep that blood flowing.  Wear your TEDS, a stocking designed to keep the blood flowing through your lower limbs. My feet and calved have swollen somewhat but not as much as my thigh and bum!  

Getting the TEDS on and off is an entertaining experience as they are quite tight; I discovered each nurse has a technique that works for them.  Mainly this centres around a plastic bag over the foot, the TEDs being folded in half, slid onto the foot and when a half on you unfold it up the calf to below the knee. Then you roll the bottom up the foot a little using the inception hole and pull the plastic bag out.  It is nigh on impossible putting them on yourself. My mother is doing them at the moment as she had experience of them with my Dad after heart surgery and when he does long haul flights (he has had DVT).

The other thing is Dalteparin soduim, a blood thinning medicine. This has proved to be an interesting thing for Mr Gin. As we know, Mr Gin does not like hospitals and a little bit phobic about them. He was not best pleased with sitting with me in the pre-surgery suite, as I rattled away with nervousness and they took blood and stuck me full of needles. I was beyond surprised when Nurse Susan asked who was going to administer the Dalteparin soduim, he offered. Why was I surprised? Dalteparin soduim is a subcutaneous injection. Yep, my partner offered to stab me with a needle on my belly every evening for 30 days!  He is very good at because they do hurt a bit even though they are a thin needle. They go into the belly fat and they hurt, for me, for some time as the liquid spreads through and is absorbed into my belly fat.

The main side effect of this, besides a smug Mr Gin brandishing a needle at my tummy when his phone alarm goes off (labelled stab my girlfriend), is the bruising. I have a tummy with an assortment of small round puncture bruises from the needles. Also the deep bruising of the operation is coming up in a myriad of colours. And any small knock bruises and they are taking forever to heal. 

For now I am doing a lot of feet wiggling when sitting or lying down and not stay in the one position too much but this does mean I want to walk a lot more and that is causing more swelling. It is bloody, swelly tightrope.

Time flies when working hard

So, I am sitting here, planning to be heading home tomorrow. They wanted to discharge me today, but frankly I was still feeling wobbly and I had not attempted stairs and the stairs at home give me the heebies.
Saturday was similar to Friday but a much better night’s sleep but still feeling pain in my knee. Breakfast but the lovely nurse Susan said I was to shower as I had my catheter out the night before. Oh, my lord, it was bliss even though I needed all the help and it was exhausting. I felt knackered but so much cleaner than the day before. I found I have lovely biro (ballpoint pen) marks from the planning on my leg and the bruises are turning the most amazing colours.
Then came physio. I was moved off the zimmer frame of doom and onto crutches. A lot of one foot catching up with the other and trying to adjust my gait to take in the new leg length and general appalling walk from years of favouriting the right hip. There were standing exercises, one that I do beautifully because of all that sock yoga.
The crutches needed practice which I duly did. We did have a bit of excitement with M, one of my ward mates passing out, and causing a great flurry of people coming from all corners of the ward. It was frightening and I was quite concerned that M was going to die, she looked so bad.
Things settled down and I tried to practice my bed exercises and talk to Mr Gin and M did it again, this time I noticed her starting to roll her eyes back in her head and alerted the nurse. Again battle stations were called and she ended up in bed, resting. By the afternoon she was looking much better and brightened when her visitors arrived later in the afternoon.
Mum, Mr Gin and I played dominoes and discussed the revelation I might be discharged tomorrow (Sunday), I expressed my concern with the lack of stair preparation and given the massively steep stairs at home Mr Gin was inclined to agree with me.
He had been a trooper coming out to visit me when his back was sore and enduring the 5 hours of public transport to see me for a few hours. It was lovely to see him, I miss his company terribly and he rocks as a partner!
He helped make sure my bed was flat which was causing the pain in my knee, which meant I was looking forward to a good night’s sleep. Buoyed by being able to get changed myself from day clothes into jammies!
Alas, that was not to happen as the other lady with a hip replacement, E began to throw up and be in enormous amounts of pain. Infection had set in and she was not comfortable. A nurse sat with her most of the night as they juggled drugs, bought the night time consultant to check her, and waited for the antibiotics to kick in. She slept sitting up some of the night and in the morning, this morning looked much better. But neither I nor M got great sleep.
Today was the dreaded stairs day, I really was nervous and not keen. The lovely physio, Karina, was caring and gentle and not that fussed about my tears. We went through steps and then hit the stairs. That was hard work and I really did not feel confident with them. She agreed that I could stay and give them a red hot go tomorrow. We also went through the height of the bed at home and the toilet and practised getting up, down, on and off those heights.
I also had a shower, stood in the shower and managed to give myself and even better wash. AND get my own trousers on, which was great. I still cannot believe I can put my full weight onto my new hip, I can stand unaided but should not do that too often.
I have also started working normally with the crutches, not one foot catching up to the other. Mum came for a visit and we coloured together and chatted as Mr Gin stayed home and rested his back.
As long as nothing happens during the night and stairs go well, I am set for heading home tomorrow. Monday, after a complete hip replacement surgery on Thursday. Amazing.